Another week of Bachelor Pad and another week of ridiculousness. Did you know that Kasey is guarding and protecting Vienna’s heart? I’m not sure if that was stressed nearly enough in the episode. On to the drama…
The episode kicks off with a few words of wisdom from Kirk, who at this point appears to be one of the only “normal” people in the mansion. If Chris Harrison wasn’t such a staple, I think Kirk could actually pose a threat to him for his job. Kirk’s narration skills were top notch last night.
To continue their annoying bullshit from last week, Blake and Melissa continue to hash it out after the rose ceremony. Melissa wants Blake to apologize and be a man because she was upstairs crying for an hour. An hour? Melissa looks like she’s been on a month-long post-breakup binge, void of food, shampoo and sunlight. Either way, she has secured her one-way ticket to the Looney Bin.
All of the girls are “rallying” around Melissa, even Holly who openly admits to flirting with all of the boys in the mansion. Blake concludes that Melissa is a live wire on the ground waiting to snap. Newsflash Blake: You made out with the wrong girl.
Challenge Time
It’s time for the next challenge and the crew shows up with their game faces on. Unfortunately for Holly, someone ate the bottom of her shirt before the challenge. Vienna showed up ready for blood. She was on the swim team and knows she’ll be good at this challenge! Just like the bed challenge… Of course, you’re good at everything V!
While watching the practice rounds, I’d be surprised if Michael Stag doesn’t win for the guys – he’s a break dancer and has a glowing personality. Even though Jake has such phenomenal dance experience from his run on Dancing With The Stars. For the girls, it’s a toss-up, with the exception of Erica. Like she said, the closest thing that she’s done to synchronized swimming is tanning. Gosh, she’s so well rounded!
Everyone gets their swimmies and Speedos on and we’re introduced to our judges – some gold medalist, David Good and Natalie Getz. I wish David and Natalie could have stayed and kicked some of these other house guests out.
Also, how cool would it be if the girls routine involved drowning Vienna and Melissa?! Just kidding… Kind of. Unfortunately, it did not. And as Natalie said, it was god awful.
The guys are up and their routine is much more entertaining than the girls’. William and Graham should be automatically eliminated for wearing the heinous nose plugs. My favorite part of the synchronized swimming was noting all of the bright white thighs that the guys were sporting. Classic. Erica chimes in with her classy opinion – Jake should win because he has such a big package. Again, Erica securing her pig status in my book.
Michael and Michelle win the challenge and I hope this is a sign of things to come. They’re definitely two of my favorites. Since Jake lost, he makes it very clear that he’s willing to do anything to stay in the mansion. Even if that means making out with Erica!
Then again, we see a ridiculous fight between the Super Couple, Vienna and Kasey. Basically she’s being nice to the enemy and Kasey is not down with this because he spends all of his time guarding and protecting her. Doesn’t she see his tattoo and everything he stands for? GUARDING AND PROTECTING! I feel much dumber after watching this fight. Kasey asks Vienna if she wants another public break up on TV. I’ll tell you something Kasey, I’d sure love to watch that! He even calls her a fame whore… Well played sir. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that calling your girlfriend a fame whore would not be guarding and protecting her heart? Not sure though.
Dates
Meanwhile, back to the rest of the house that is getting robbed of quality airtime… Michelle takes Graham, Kasey and Blake on a date to a gorgeous vineyard to drink wine. Finally, a date that I’m incredibly jealous of! Michelle admits that she has a huge crush on Graham, but she doesn’t feel like he’s that into her. She should probably call Deanna to chat… Seems like a reoccurring problem for Graham and his ladies. Michelle thinks that if she and Graham find common ground, it’ll be amazing. Then they find that common ground, in each others tonsils.
Anyone notice a little bit of Michelle’s crazy eyes come out around Graham? Maybe she’ll give herself a black eye next.
Graham obviously gets the rose.
Back at the mansion, Holly is hoping that Michael doesn’t invite her on the date. Sure enough, he does. Michael and his ladies arrive in the Hollywood Hills and are surprised with a horseback riding date! Vienna will obviously be good at this too because… Well, use your imagination.
After the horses, Vienna and Ella bond over some sangria, while Michael and Holly continue to beat a dead horse (no pun intended). And again, watching Michael cry is brutal. Michael sends the other two girls home and then Brett Michaels shows up to serenade him and Holly. Blah blah, the end.
Back at the mansion, Jake and Blake are trying to save their asses by making out with girls that they wouldn’t touch with 10 foot poles in real life. Erica and Jake lay together by the pool and she rubs him. He pretends to like her. They make out, because Erica has great lips that she maintains every 6 months. I vomit all over my computer.
Super Couple is back to drive us a little more crazy and this time, Kasey brought a ring with him! Kasey gives a long speech about loving Vienna or something, but truthfully, I can’t understand a thing he says. Vienna cuts him off and says that she doesn’t want the ring to be an engagement ring. I can’t handle her. If Kasey had half of a brain, he’d shove that ring somewhere where the sun doesn’t shine and run for the hills. With that, Kasey secures his spot on next season’s American Idol. SIKE.
Potentially my favorite moment of the season happens next – When Erica crawled behind Melissa to eavesdrop on her conversation. She just gained serious points in my book. What a freak!
Rose Ceremony/Cocktail Party
Kasey mentions that he thinks Melissa is bat shiz f’ing crazy and she’s shaking. He doesn’t realize that it’s only malnourishment. She looks like she’s been punched in the face. Melissa doesn’t understand why her and Blake have been partners since Day 1 and now he doesn’t want anything to do with her romantically. He never did.
Melissa almost leaves but Jake convinces her to stay.
The only other interesting thing about the evening was Erica’s gavel. At first, I swore it was an ice cream scooper. Then I thought it was a fairy wand. She’s a whack job.
Jake mentions that if he gets voted off, he’s taking people out with him. I’m SO happy he got sent home! This is bound to be good drama.
The Mask comes back for a quick skinnydip and we’re left wondering who Jake is taking down with him. I don’t even know how I’ll last a full week!
Are you sure it's Jake that leaves? They cut it off before you could see who actually gets the rose. I would love to see Kasey go only because it would make Vienna completely lose it. Also even though everyone thinks Melissa is crazy, I felt bad for her. Mostly because Blake did lead her on, making her think he had romantic interest in her. If he wanted to be partners fine but don't make her think she stands a chance with you. So I think she had every right to be upset about that. And Jake and Erica??? I almost think he wants to partner with her not just cause she is an outcast on the show like him, but he knows that a "shomance" with her will likely bring him the most attention since she is clearly insane which is ratings gold. PS. I loved the men doing the synchronized swimming. It was really cute.
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