Bachelorette Beatdown - A Must Watch For Crazy Fans Like Me!

Happy Thursday!

I wanted to share a new found gem with all of my die-hard Bachelorette fans - RTV ZONE's BACHELORETTE BEATDOWN. Every Tuesday night, a team of Bachelor/Bachelorette alum's get together to chat about that weeks episode and their thoughts on the show. It's VERY funny!

The show is lead by Jesse Csincsak, former cast member on The Bachelorette (with Deanna Pappas). Each week 6-10 of these alum's are chosen, but there are some staples:


Ashley Spivey - One of my favorite contestants from Brad Womack's season of the Bachelor! She is my #1 Bachelor friend on Twitter and always has the nicest things to say. Love her!








Marissa May - Another favorite from Brad's season. Marissa is a great addition to the Bachelorette Beatdown and always gives a good (and neutral) perspective. AND she's got a great fashion sense!








David Good - Dave is the winner of last year's Bachelor Pad and one of the funniest members on the panel! Dave always tells it like it is... And as a girl, I really appreciate that. *Sidenote: Dave and I chatted on the phone last summer because he casually dated one of my best friends. He called me her "blogger friend." I insisted that I was much cooler than that!





Natalie Getz - LOVE LOVE LOVE Natalie! Natalie, who won Bachelor Pad with Dave, is the funniest girl that has ever been on the Bachelor shows. Like, pee your pants kind of funny. And she is always spot on with her style comments.






Wes Hayden - Wes, the token villian from Jillian's season of the Bachelorette, is great. I love hearing Wes's perspective on how the show really runs and what editing can do to people.







Trista Sutter - Trista, the "Bachelorette Mama" brings some history to the show, being the first ever Bachelorette and first success story. Trista is never afraid to stand up to some of the alpha-males which is always entertaining!



Eliza Orlins - The show also includes Eliza, who is a former cast member of Survivor, another one of my favorite shows! Eliza is not part of the Bachelor family, but I love that she brings an outside perspective. And she's lived my dream of going on Survivor, so of course I love her!








If you can't tune in live, make sure to catch up on these episodes when you have some down time. I promise, you won't regret it! You great some great insight into what really happens on the show.

Have a great weekend!

Adios Bentley!

Welcome to Hong Kong! First order of business – Who noticed the rapid moving people behind Ashley as she stared up at the skyscrapers? Reminded me of Heroes or something. How Sci-Fi of the producers! Well, as expected, Chris Harrison pops into Ashleys room for a quick catch-up session and to let her know that Bentley is downstairs!

“SHUT UP!” Was that not the most fake “Shut up!” you’ve ever heard? I bet that was Take 16 of the Shut Up. The only thing that I’m grateful for is the fact that they put this Bentley shindig at the beginning of the episode. At least we get it over with.

As expected, Ashley heads down to Bentley’s room, 4315, and lingers outside of the door for a minute or so. Knock, you creeper! He’s going to see your feet. Ashley enters, not before giving Bentley a quick smooch, and the stupidest conversation in history begins. “So, what’s up? Fill me in!” Really? We’re really doing this? So annoying.

The whole scene is just irritating and I was glad when it ended. Adios Bentley! Hope you get plane-sick on the ride home.

Ashley’s first one on one date is with Lucas. Why?! Why would you not choose Blake? He seems so much less psychotic. And he has great teeth. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit through this date. Lucas scares me.

Okay, I was kind of wrong. Lucas grew on me slightly throughout the date. I don’t like him, but I will stop saying that he reminds me of a serial killer. Let’s get down to brass tacks here – No romance between these two. And Lucas is too Southern for Ashley. Lucas will not be getting on his knee to propose in a few weeks. I think that Ashley was just so relieved to be done with the Bentley situation that she had a good date because she was happy, not because she liked him.

Back at the hotel, shit is about the hit the fan. Partially because Blake and Ryan are livid that they aren’t getting the 1-on-1 date, and partially because I think JP pooped his pants when he realized he was getting a 2^nd 1-on-1 date before some guys got their 1^st. Either way, shit hits fan.

Time for the group date. Glad ABC planned something as ridiculous as dragon boat racing. If it wasn’t for Ben and Constantines hysterical comments and attire, this date could have put me to sleep. I’m going to take a guess and say that the guys would have much rather make out with Ashley in a hot tub than recruit Chinese people to be on their racing teams. Just a guess!

Constantine and Ben win this date. Their outfits were genius and some of the comments they made… I died. “Sheer pandemonium set in,” or “We’re getting smoked! Like salmon bro!” I would have taken the rose, chopped it in half and given it to both of them. Then I would have drowned Ryan’s giddy ass. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

On to another rooftop party. Ames is all hopped up and ready to seduce Ashley in the elevator. Where the hell did that come from? Someone had some liquid courage going on. This scene is so awkward and nothing close to hot. Their kiss looked painful… Far from the hot, steamy, elevator make-out that I was hoping for. Then Ashley makes out with Ben for a bit. And I really like Ben, but that kiss was just as lame. Stop pecking each other! Ashley gives the rose to Happy Ryan.

JP receives his date card. “Let’s take a peek into our future.” Definitely going to a peep show. Sweet! Damn it… I was wrong, no peep show. Instead we get another adorable and perfect date with Ashley and JP. No cheesy tourist activities, no harassing locals… Just a great dinner date! The night is going smoothly until Ashley wants to drop the Bentley bomb. She creates quite a build-up before breaking the news… I swore she was going to come out of the closet. Instead, she tells JP about the Bentley drama and he handles it like a man. Then they make out and sparks fly all over Hong Kong.

Ashley should probably just propose to JP on this date. Let’s get real. Their chemistry is light years ahead of the others. Is it even appropriate to continue the season like this? It’s kind of cruel.

Cocktail party time! Ashley’s dress is way too over the top for my liking. It’s distracting. She drops the Bentley bomb on the rest of the crew and unlike JP, they all get their panties in a big bundle. I guess I understand. She did lie. But, it’s a show. Chill out guys. Lucas is back to serial killer status, Constantine is pissed that this may interfere with his bromances, and Ames reminds us all that he went to the hospital for Ashley.

Oh wait… I spoke too soon. Ryan is not fazed! His heart didn’t even move a beat. That’s probably because his heartrate is at a consistent 180 resting. The guy is on speed and/or happy pills at all times.

Mickey is the most pissed. It’s partially because Ashley lied, but part of it is because she likes Ryan. The producers cut a lot of their conversation, but apparently the main reason that he left was because of Ryan. I’m torn on this because I understand being frustrated with another guy in the house, but everyone likes different people. I’m sad to see Mickey go, but really, he didn’t bring much to the table. And also, if he hadn’t left on his own, she would have sent him home.

Ashley has another meltdown. Does anyone have the number for Brad Womack’s therapist? I think we’re going to need him from here on out. Ashley needs some help and I don’t think Chris Harrison is cutting it.

Blake gets the boot and I feel bad for him. Blake seemed like a good catch and he didn’t even get a chance! She should have at least kept him over Lucas. At least we’ll see him on the Bachelor Pad!

Only 6 guys left! What do you think? Who are your favorites? Leave some comments!

ANTYHING Can Happen in Chiang Mai!

I’m about to call the producers over at ABC and tell them to re-evaluate their jobs. There is always a dramatic aspect to every season, always one person we can’t stand, but this Bentley situation… This is so far beyond annoying that it’s sucking the fun out of the show for me. And that is very, very hard to do. Luckily, we’re in Chiang Mai this week and ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN CHIANG MAI. Definitely one of the stupider things I heard this week. Of course anything can happen in Chiang Mai. Anything can happen anywhere. Ugh! The retarded quotes were at an all time high this episode.

Anything can happen this week – We could see a concussion from muay thai , two people could get sent home on a 2-on-1 date, and Ashley could beg Chris Harrison to bring back Bentley. Sure enough, all of those things happened! Go figure.

Ben F. gets the first date and I have to say, I think he’s close to perfect. I really wish Ashley would stop thanking Ben and the others for sticking around, for joining her on the dates, etc. It’s part of the damn show. Stop being so polite. Watching Ashley and Ben talk about how they want to kiss, but can’t, reminded me of Jake’s season when him and Nanny Elizabeth didn’t kiss at the amusement park. A little different – Elizabeth was playing the psychotic hard-to-get card, and this time the temple was holding them back, but nonetheless, similar.

Ben and Ashley’s evening date is beautiful. The producers get a few points for that floral arrangement on the floor… Absolutely gorgeous. Ben F. tells Ashley that he spends all day making wine. I on the other hand, spend all day thinking about wine. Basically, he’s living my dream. Ben is great – talking about having friends over to hang out and drink wine, how he wants to spoil someone – WINNER. And with no surprise, Ben gets a rose.

It’s time for the group date and what better activity than muay thai. Definitely a safe option! Ashley has pink boxing gloves like me! We’re twins! I, on the other hand, do not have that stomach to match. Buzzkill. Poor Ames… He’s never been in a fight in his life, BUT he could tell you the latitude and longitude of Chiang Mai! Does that count for anything?

Watching the guys battle was entertaining. My boyfriend even agreed to watch the show for a few minutes! SUCCESS! JP was the best person to watch… Talking about how a small Jew from Long Island beat Mickey the Irishman… Hysterical. Can JP get any better?

How fitting was it that Ames had the pink shorts? And how sad was it to watch him with his concussion? Although, you definitely laughed a little during the fight, right? Not just me? It’s pretty incredible that this guy is probably the most physically fit on the entire show (besides Nick the trainer) and he couldn’t hold his own during a muay thai match. He should stick with 100 mile marathons.

Sometimes I think Ashley isn’t nice enough. I’m sure she’s a good person, but wouldn’t you go with Ames to the hospital? Or at least give him the rose? Not judging, but c’mon! All I was really worried about was who won the heavyweight challenge? Apparently, it was Constantine, which kind of surprises me.

Ames is back! He’s clearly out of whack. Telling Ashley that the day was great? At least give him a kiss or something. A sympathy kiss. Please? Ashley and Blake have some bonding time. He lets her know that love is not a marathon, it’s a sprint. Who writes this shit? And that isn’t true, Blake. I’m so sick of these contestants talking about love being a marathon, taking your time, getting to know someone, love not being about winning – BULLSHIT. This is THE BACHELORETTE! It’s fast, rapid, fake and only about winning!

Ashley and Lucas play a little air golf. Confession: Lucas shares the shit out of me. I can’t put my finger on it but he seems like a potential serial killer. Maybe it’s the black eyes, or the creepy smile, but it’s killing me. Luckily, he doesn’t get the rose.

Time for the “dreaded 2-on-1 date.” As William would say, it’s the thunderdome date. Two men enter and one man leaves. William is also wasted waiting for his date. He keeps calling it “two dudes, one girl.” Sounds a lot like 2 girls, 1 cup. Don’t google that. Seriously, do not.

This whole date was bizarre. Ben C. is looking forward to getting himself on dating websites when he gets home? I think there are some missing pieces to this story. And Ashley believed William that quickly? I don’t buy it. The 1-on-1 part of this date is awkward… Clearly, Ashley still hates William for roasting her. She kicks him off too and he’s shattered. I actually feel bad for Ben C. and William… Really liked them both. William thinks that he is the world’s biggest jackass. He obviously does not realize that Bentley already holds that title. And of course, back at the mansion, Ryan is skipping around pushing William’s bags out the door.

Shocking: Sending two guys home brings in a whole new truckload of insecurities for Ashley. Exactly what we want to see! I’m getting tired of her insecurities. She’s smart, pretty and making a nice chunk of change to be on this show. As viewers, we do not feel bad for you.

Time for the cocktail party! In a nutshell, Constantine prefers the bromance over her, JP is confident and awesome, and Nick needs to get 6-8 hours of sleep because the bags under his eyes are just not going away. Then, Ashley talks to Chris Harrison and embarrasses herself a little bit more, begging for closure with Bentley. I wish Chris would just say – BENTLEY HATES YOU. GET OVER IT! But, he does not. Instead, he’ll play with her heartstrings a little more and bring Bentley back for Round 2.

Ashley sends Nick packing which isn’t a surprise and like usual, doesn’t even walk him out. Cold! Next week, we’ll see Ashley beg for Bentley back and probably consider throwing our wine glasses through the television set. No? Just me?

What’d you think of this week’s episode? Is JP still your favorite or are you about to jump on the Ben F. wine train? And did you notice the HYSTERICAL footage of William and Ben C. after the previews for next week? LOVED!

Enough about Bentley!

Bentley is just like that stupid ex-boyfriend that your friend will never stop harping on. And you have to listen, because it’s your best friend. Well, Ashley, we aren’t your best friend and we’re really sick of hearing about Bentley. PLEASE STOP!!!!

Chris Harrison pops into the mansion to let the guys know that they’ll be leaving the house and heading to Thailand. I can’t believe how quickly they leave the mansion these days! A few quick observations – Mickey looks nice in glasses, much more toned down. Ryan definitely touched up his frosted tips. I think he uses hair mascara. And Nick looks like he hasn’t slept in ages. His bags under his eyes are brutal.

All of the guys get packing because they only have two hours! Hurry! Quick! Put on your deepest V-neck and let’s hit the road!

Ashley awaits the arrival of the men in Thailand, wearing a shirt that looks like it was partially eaten by an animal, tied up in an 80’s knot. Not my favorite outfit from Ashley. She must have had keratin treatment done to her hair, right? That Thailand rain was intense and she never had frizz.

Constantine gets the first date card. A little out of left field, no? I would have expected it to go to Ben F. or Ryan if I hadn’t read the spoilers beforehand. A little man tells Ashley and Constantine that they can’t go on their boat ride, so instead, they walk through Thailand and harass the locals. First stop: A clothing salesman who they think is a Buddha, asking him weird questions about love.

The faux-buddha tells them that love is not about winning. Um, yes it is. You’re on the Bachelorette. Love is absolutely about winning. Ask Charlie Sheen. WINNING!

The night part of their date is nice. If I didn’t know they were in Thailand, I would have sworn this was the same date on Catalina Island that Kiptyn/Tenley and Chantal/Brad have both been on. Constantine seems nice and normal… A little white rice though. To be honest, I barely paid attention to their conversation because I was too busy staring at Ashley’s turquoise ring. Luckily, my favorite fashion blogger Possessionista found it here.

Back at the house, JP is getting jealous when the other guys talk about kissing Ashley. Clearly, he’s a frontrunner. I’m praying that he doesn’t turn from the cute jealous guy into a total psychopath.

I really enjoyed the group date at the orphanage. I like seeing when the show does something positive, rather than ridiculous dates like a fake wedding or a flash mob. This is where we begin to see Ryan’s annoyance kick in. He thinks Ashley is really RAD, and he’s starting to piss everyone off. In the words of Brad and Emily, he’s “poking the bear.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if Lucas pulled out a shotgun on his ass.

Ben F. really grew on me on this date. Luckily he grew on Ashley too! The mural idea was really cool. I think him and Ashley had a good connection… They were very flirty and playful. I have a good vibe!

On the other hand, Blake is becoming THAT GUY. That guy who would rather focus on the annoying person in the house than focus on winning Ashley’s affection. Note to Blake: That guy never goes far. Get over your hatred of Ryan and move on.

I will say that I agree though. Ryan is annoying as shit. He’s always happy and “on.” He’s definitely taking high doses of Prozac. Last week, my manicurist told me that I’m always happy and smiling… I really hope I’m not like Ryan.

I also loved the one on one time between Ashley and JP – shocking, I know. I appreciate him asking when his next one on one date will be. She really does owe him a good one. Ashley definitely loves him. She thinks he’s the best kisser and calls his bald head sexy. He’s a clear frontrunner.

I’m so glad that Ben F. got the rose. I’m sure all of the other guys weren’t too happy when Ashley decided to give an Oscar acceptance speech pre-rose handout. And let everyone know that she was really developing feelings for him.

Time for the Robot Bash! Ames gets a date, but this isn’t new to him… He’s obviously spent time in Phuket… Twice. He’s done everything! I REALLY hope that Ames gets bombed on this date at some point. Like real sloppy. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen on their daytime date. They paddle through the water. Correction: Ames paddles. Amesbot (Thank you Ashley Spivey for your fabulous nicknames again!) would never let the woman paddle. And then comes one of my favorite lines of the episode… “Navigating the caves is like navigating a relationship.” Right… Exactly what I thought!

Dinner time! PLEASE get Ames drunk. So boring! I’ll give Ames some credit… He asked good questions, the conversation was flowing, and he seems like a stand up guy. But they didn’t even kiss! He said they did something more intimate than kiss. Terrible excuse. That’s just what you say when you don’t get a kiss.

Time for the cocktail party! Ashley looks awesome… Love that dress. Ashley grills West about his deceased wife and I can’t help but feel for him. He seems like such a nice guy. Then she moves along to Lucas, who I really can’t take seriously. He reminds me of a combination of Jake, Brad and George Bush. Dislike! He is not a Southern Gentleman. He’s a Southern Loonie. Then Ryan explains to Ashley that he’s just a really happy guy. HEART! Ugh, simmer down Ryan. YOU’RE BURSTING WITH A LOT OF LOVE IN YOUR CHEST? Jesus Christ.

With that, Ashley says goodbye to West. And quickly. Don’t you think he deserved a walk out? That was rude. Watching him in the limo was tough… I hope he finds love… Or at least gets a shot at making out with all of the girls on Bachelor Pad 2.

So, what’d you think of this week’s episode? A little boring, right? Is Ryan making you vomit in your mouth a little bit too? Are we still all aboard the JP train? Leave some comments!

Bachelor Pad 2 Cast Revealed!

Happy Monday! The new cast for Bachelor Pad 2 has been released as of this morning! It feels like Christmas morning. An interesting cast... Jake & Vienna, Michael Stag & Holly... And some really boring choices as well. Below is the entire press release announcing the new crew, courtesy of EW.com.

Who are your immediate favorites? Are you dying to see the Jake and Vienna showdown Part 2? Who are your guesses for the Mystery Men? I'll guess that two of them are Drunk Ass Tim and Masked Jeff.

JAKE PAVELKA AND VIENNA GIRARDI REUNITE

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEIR PRIMETIME SHOWDOWN

ON SEASON TWO OF ABC’S HOT SUMMER SERIES, “BACHELOR PAD,”

PREMIERING MONDAY, AUGUST 8

Eighteen Former Participants from “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” Come Together Under One Roof Competing for Half A Million Dollars and a Second Chance at Love

Hosted by Chris Harrison (“The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette”), “Bachelor Pad” returns MONDAY, AUGUST 8 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) with its most controversial cast to date as 18 unforgettable characters from the “Bachelor” franchise – those we love and those we love to hate – gather back at the mansion to live together and compete for $250,000 and possibly a second chance at love. The infamous wrestler, Justin “Rated R” Rego, Gia Allemand, who’s fresh from a breakup with Wes, and Kasey Kahl, who once professed his love for former Bachelorette Ali by getting a tattoo on his wrist are just some of “Bachelor’s” best joining Jake Pavelka, a former Bachelor, and his jilted ex-fiancé, Vienna Girardi. With so many elements at play to raise the stakes — Vienna and Kasey are currently dating, there is recent bad blood between Gia and Vienna, a friendship has developed between Jake and Gia, and so much more – season two is set to bring fireworks, drama, romance and endless possibilities.

Each week the contestants will square off in head-to-head challenges to compete for immunity and the opportunity to go on a date with contestants of their choice. The winner of each challenge will then grant immunity to one of his or her dates via the presentation of a rose. At the end of each episode, the contestants will vote amongst themselves – the men will vote off a woman and vice versa – to determine which cast members will be eliminated from the competition.

The 18 contestants set to lay it all on the line for love and/or money are:

The Women

GIA ALLEMAND (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)

After falling for Wes (Jillian’s season) on last season’s “Bachelor Pad,” Gia returns to the pad to face Vienna who’s rumored to have come between her and Wes. She’ll be thankful to have an ally in Jake whom she’s formed a friendship with.

Occupation: Model Age: 26 Residence: New York, NY

HOLLY DURST (“The Bachelor” Season 12, Matt Grant)

Holly was engaged to fellow “Bachelor Pad” season 2 contestant, Michael Stagliano, until she broke off the engagement only to realize she’d made a mistake. Just days after the break-up, she ran back to Michael, but it was too late; he could no longer trust her. Now living in the pad together, Holly’s ready for a rebound.

Occupation: Children’s Book Author Age: 28 Residence: Hollywood, CA

VIENNA GIRARDI (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)

Now dating Kasey (Ali’s season), Vienna has since moved on from her messy break-up with Jake and their infamous post-breakup TV face-off. Not only will she have to face Jake again in the pad, but she must also confront Gia (Jake’s season) about their recent history.

Occupation: Unemployed Age: 25 Residence: Los Angeles

JACKIE GORDON (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)

Jackie is the girl next door who’s not afraid to speak her mind. She’s ready for love and will get along well with the guys, but will watch her back when it comes to Michelle Money whom she doesn’t trust.

Occupation: Assistant Teacher Age: 27 Residence: New York, NY

MICHELLE MONEY (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)

Michelle may be known as the manipulative seductress from Brad’s season, but the men won’t mind sharing the pad with her.

Occupation: Hairstylist Age: 30 Residence: Salt Lake City, UT

ELLA NOLAN (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)

Single mom Ella is still quite upset with Jake for sending her home during a 2 on 1 date. Engaged to be wed, she comes to the pad having called off her wedding.

Occupation: Hairstylist Age: 31 Residence: Nashville, TN

ERICA ROSE (“The Bachelor” Season 9, Lorenzo Borghese)

Erica’s outspokenness proved to be a turn-off for Lorenzo, but whether she’s in it for love or money, Erica will do anything! With friends Vienna and Kasey by her side, she might just get what she wants.

Occupation: Student Age: 28 Residence: Houston, TX

MELISSA SCHREIBER (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)

Referred to as “the cougar” by her fellow cast mates from season 15, Melissa is also known for her heated argument with Raichel (Brad’s season).

Occupation: Waitress Age: 32 Residence: Boca Raton, FL

ALLI TRAVIS (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)

After telling Brad she had trouble picturing herself marrying her previous boyfriend, Brad reflected on his relationship with Alli and told her he felt the same way about her. Shortly thereafter, she was dismissed.

Occupation: Buyer Age: 25 Residence: Columbus, OH

The Men

GRAHAM BUNN (“The Bachelorette” Season 4, DeAnna Pappas)

Graham is known as the hot heartbreaker from DeAnna’s season who didn’t reciprocate her feelings for him.

Occupation: Entrepreneur Age: 32 Residence: New York, NY

KIRK DEWINDT (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)

Kirk’s dad, a taxidermist, gave Ali a tour of his basement to show off his work. Shortly thereafter, he was dismissed. Kirk joins the pad with friend and ally, Kasey (Ali’s season).

Occupation: Personal Trainer Age: 27 Residence: Minneapolis, MN

KASEY KAHL (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)

Kasey is known for getting a tattoo on his wrist to signify to Ali how he’ll “guard and protect” her heart. These days, his affection belongs to fellow contestant and girlfriend, Vienna (Jake’s season). There may be eight other guys he’ll have to contend with, but only one guy he must best – Jake.

Occupation: Entrepreneur/Philanthropist Age: 27 Residence: Clovis, CA

JAKE PAVELKA (“The Bachelor” Season 14)

Jake returns to the site of his infamous post-breakup face-off with Vienna and will see her for the first time since their heated exchange. But this time, Vienna’s new man, Kasey (Ali’s season), will be by her side.

Occupation: Pilot Age: 33 Residence: Los Angeles, CA

JUSTIN “RATED-R” REGO (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)

Justin walked off Ali’s season when she confronted him about the voice messages he’d left for his girlfriend back home.

Occupation: Sales Age: 27 Residence: Toronto, Canada

MICHAEL STAGLIANO (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris)

The wounds from his break-up with ex-fiancé and fellow “Bachelor Pad” contestant, Holly Durst, are still fresh. Michael must not only contend with 17 other contestants, but he also faces the prospects of Holly dating other guys.

Occupation: Entrepreneur Age: 27 Residence: Sherman Oaks, CA

MYSTERY MAN #1 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)

MYSTERY MAN #2 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)

MYSTERY MAN #3 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)

Peace out Bentley!

I walked away from last night’s train wreck feeling bad for so many people.

1. Ashley – Because she has to watch herself claiming to be in love with someone after knowing them for a hot second, and realizing that he is a giant asshole.
2. Jeff – Just because. How could you not feel bad for him?
3. William – Although he got a rose, there is no chance that Ashley is going to end up with him after he made her cry and crushed her self confidence to smithereens.
4. JP – He got shafted with that post-Bentley date.
5. And lastly… Bentley… Bentley who will not get laid for a very, very long time. And will go down in history as the biggest piece of shit in Bachelor/ette history. Congrats!

Last night’s episode started off with Bency (Yes, that’s Ben C. combined – Thanks to Ashley Spivey for the abbreviation) receiving a date card – Love strikes in a flash! This already sounds perfect for our mushy gushy friend Bency. We’ve already learned that he wants a fairytale romance and loves love. Even though this date is right up Bency’s alley, I can’t help but wish Ashley gave Bentley this one-on-one. Imagine how uncomfortable, unenthusiastic, and obnoxious Bentley would have been! Maybe Ashley would have seen what a douche he was a little sooner.

Time for the flash mob! Luckily, Ashley gives us a full description of what a flash mob is… And in case you missed it, Wikipedia says that a flash mob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment and/or satire. You could also describe this as the stupidest date ever. Or was that the fake wedding last week? Get it together, ABC. Watching Bency dance and sing to “girls around me they be acting like they drunk” is quite comical and I give him a lot of credit for his enthusiasm. I’m going to take a wild guess that Bency jams out on the regular to “Like a G6” on his iPod.

Later that night, Bency and Ashley have a nice rooftop dinner. Before dinner, Bency stole Ames’ Yale uniform and chugged a few red bulls. He is rip-roaring through this dinner! Could he have spoken any faster? I actually got concerned that my TV might have been on fast forward. Poor Bency… He wants to live in a love bubble and thinks love is a fairytale. He should probably get a job at Disney and find Cinderella, because that shit doesn’t happen in real life. The date was nice, but c’mon, no sparkles.

Before the group date starts, Jeff is ready for the big reveal. Cue the funeral music! The mask comes off… “Hi, I’m Jeff.” AWKWARD. This moment was such a letdown. I was really hoping that Jeff had developed a gruesome post-mask rash on his face, or at least a serious tan line, but no. Nothing.

Time for the roast of Ashley! I wish Jeffrey Ross just performed the whole time, because the guys were painful to watch. Ames had serious odgeda because he has no idea how to be funny. They did not teach this in prep school. He lets us know that he’s the furthest thing from a comedian. Yes, we know Ames. You seem like the most uptight, stick in your ass person to ever grace this show. Good luck! On the other hand, William is ready to bring his A game! This should be interesting.

Okay, maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I’m a hard ass, but I didn’t think William’s roast was THAT BAD. The whole point of the night was to roast Ashley, and everyone else avoided that and beat around the bush. She shouldn’t have agreed to be roasted if she couldn’t handle it. Hasn’t she watched one of these before? You need a tough skin sister!

This date turns super uncomfortable and Bad News Bentley strikes again. All of the guys try to make Ashley feel better. Masked Jeff even talks about his three legged dog. Quite uplifting! Ryan makes out with Ashley. And thank god, that gains him a rose. I really thought she was giving it to Bentley.

The next day, Bentley decides to leave. Apparently Ashley is an ugly duckling and he’s over it. If she’s an ugly duckling, I don’t even want to imagine what he’d call me. Masked Jeff is very concerned about Bentley leaving… How cute is Masked Jeff! Maybe him and Bentley could date.

Ashley knows that Bentley is THE ONE, so this is going to be hard on her. How in the world could he be THE ONE? They haven’t even gone on one date. Bentley’s exit is completely manipulative. He turns the entire thing around and breaks her little heart. He’s a total pig. He leaves and Ashley breaks down. All I can focus on is how unfortunate looking her bed linens are. They remind me of something we’d see on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

All I’m hoping is that Ashley is back to normal for her date with JP. Nope! Although I loved the pajama party, JP really got the short end of the stick. And how did JP know to bring pajamas? Maybe he brought them just in case Ashley asked him to sleepover… Smart cookie! All I wish is that Ashley would stop talking about Bentley, William and the other nerds and enjoy JP. I also wish that we got to see more of this date because JP is clearly my favorite. Ugh! At least he got a rose and won in the kissing department.

Ashley calls off the rose ceremony because she is emotionally drained. Thank god, because I left my sunglasses in the car and her outfit is blinding me. Overkill. You do not need accessories with that dress, let alone an 800 lb. jeweled necklace.

No surprises at the rose ceremony, although I would have sent Ames home solely based on his decision to wear that shirt. And I feel weirdly bad for Masked Jeff and hope he finds love somewhere. I can’t believe he burned his mask… That would have brought it a lot of cash on Ebay.

Okay, so what’d you think of this CRAZY DRAMATIC MUCH ANTICIPATED episode? Are you still on Team William? Or have we all jumped onto the JP Train? Leave some comments!