We start the montage off with Justin, AKA Rated R, the infamous wrestler who went on The Bachelorette with a girlfriend back home. Maybe she’ll make another appearance on BP2?
Next up, Jackie! Jackie is really desperate, I mean anxious, to find love.
Moving along to the hotties of the house…
Although Michelle’s shoes during her package were something that Peg Bundy would have worn, I can’t help but love her. Maybe it’s because she’s completely crazy and I appreciate a little bit of crazy in a woman. Or maybe it’s because she’s so gorgeous and I have a girl crush. But I think the real pull for me was listening to her speak about her father. Having a parent that has battled cancer, I know how tough life can feel. I’m on Team Michelle.
Gia is back and ready for BP2 revenge. She shows us a diagram which explains how she got to the point she’s at now, and basically all I draw from this is that she’s completely desperate and felt the need to embarrass herself on national television just one more time. At least she’s hot.
Now for the crazies…
Vienna is back and this time brought her boyfriend Kasey along for the ride. I completely forgot that I needed subtitles to understand his voice and am immediately frustrated. Didn’t ABC realize this the first time around? Luckily, Kasey put on 30lbs. of muscle to bulk up for the BP2. Where did this 30 lbs. go? To Vienna’s ass? I’m confused. Am I missing something?
As if The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, Dancing With The Stars, One Life To Live and that stupid new food show he’s on weren’t enough, Jake Pavelka is back for another shot at fame. Jake points out that he was crushed when Vienna sold their story to a tabloid for a large amount of money. How dare she beat him to the punch!
Erica Rose is back in town and is convinced that she can use her sex appeal to her advantage. Excuse me… What sex appeal? You have none. I hope she’s voted off ASAP because I don’t think I’ll be able to look at this pig for weeks to come.
Back to some normal people for a minute…
Graham Bunn, known for not being able to open up enough to Deanna Pappas back in 2008 is back for another chance at love and money. He’s playing for his charity – 46NYC. Can’t say anything negative there!
Ella pulls out a terribly sad story from left field, something we never heard about on her season of The Bachelor. I have to admit, she’s looking beautiful these days.
Another awkward couple alert! Holly and Michael, who recently broke off their engagement, will be joining BP2. Holly says that she met Michael after Matt dumped her on the Bachelor. She forgot to mention her relationship with Jesse Csinsak and about 5 other past Bachelor people. Small details.
Blake is here to contract some STDs. Not make any money. End of story.
Arrival Time
All of the contestants arrive to the house and immediately scope out their prey. Holly and Blake are already flirting and she likes him because he uses big words. Blake tells us that Tiara Girl is a little thick… I die laughing. He obviously does not see her sex appeal. Must be blind…
We begin to see the Kasey/Vienna/Jake drama unfold and within 5 minutes and I’m completely bored. When Jake and Kasey meet for the first time, Jake acts like he doesn’t know who Kasey is. I’m sure he didn’t watch Ali’s season. Right. Then they proceed to talk about the weather.
First Challenge
Alli and Graham accidently team up together, as do Melissa and Blake. Blake is cool with this for now, but he’s trying to get with as many girls as possible, so this could put a wrench in his plan. Poor Kirk got way too drunk and agreed to have Erica as his partner. I sure hope he’s been working out like Kasey because that’s one heavy sex appeal to hold up.
It’s time to hold on to your partners above a bed in a compromising position. What is this show? Seriously? Does anyone play games like these on the regular? This is going to be the new-age 7 Minutes in Heaven. I’m predicting it now.
Vienna lets us know that she’ll be really good at this challenge because she’s a gymnast. I’ll bet $100 that that’s not the reason she’ll be good at this challenge. I think it involves less gymnastics and more drunken college nights.
Throughout the challenge, a few STDs are shared and people start dropping like flies. Holly announces that she’d rather be drinking than having her legs wrapped around Michael any longer – story of their relationship? Jake took some mushrooms before the challenge and is convinced that they’re hanging over a 3000 ft. cliff and rescue helicopters are en route. Lay off the drugs, Jake.
Jackie and Jake win the challenge and I’m pretty sure that Jackie is wondering if she can trade Jake in at this point for Ames. Vienna is livid that she and Kasey lost to Jake. This is when the Vienna show goes way too far. I can’t decide who I hate the most, but she’s definitely in the lead.
*Pause* Does Kasey have frosted tips again? Do we think that’s hair mascara?
Jake & Jackie’s Date
Jake and Jackie have dinner in Hollywood “above the stars.” Before heading to dinner, they’re approached by a young girl who is crying because she’s a fan of Jake. My heart breaks for this child… She’s going to be even more screwed up than I am. Good luck little one!
Their date seems normal and surprisingly, Jake seems normal also. I’m convinced that he’s been practicing how to seem less psycho on television. He admits that he made a fool of himself on live television and lashed out at Vienna. First step – Admitting the problem.
The Third Rose
Gia tries to convince Jake that giving Vienna the rose is a bad decision, telling him not to put the enemy in a bomb shelter while you’re trying to bomb them. Then they talk about history and compare the rose to a few historical events. This is way too deep for my liking.
Jackie takes the target off of her back and gives Jake permission to hand out the rose to whomever he’d like. I think this was a smart move on her part. If she’d given it to someone, let’s say Ames, she’d be targeted immediately as a “couple.”
The devil gets the rose. Gia is livid. Jake gives the most fabricated apology I’ve ever seen to Vienna and Kasey and once again, I’m completely bored.
Afterwards, Kasey and Vienna are caught making sexytime on a hidden camera. I immediately Lysol my television screen in fear of virtually catching something.
Rose Ceremony/Voting
Let’s start out with the most horrendous event of the evening – Erica’s dress. WOOF. Did anyone tell her that this looked good? If they did, they brutally lied. She looks like a circus freak.
Rated R and Alli seem to be on the chopping block, but I’m really hoping that Erica or Melissa somehow get sent home. As expected, Rated R and Alli both go home. But not before Rated R delivers one of my favorites lines from the night, “Someone needs to knock King Dingaling off his throne.” Genius. I need to call someone King Dingaling one of these days.
I’m sad that Alli went home. She’s a pretty nice girl, but I suppose she wouldn’t have brought as much entertainment to my screen as Erica’s sex appeal.
So friends, what did you think of the Bachelor Pad 2? Are you completely relieved that it will never be 3 hours again? Do you feel like you wasted a significant portion of your life? Who are your favorites?
IT WAS PRETTY AMAZING... What were those giant underwear Erica was wearing under her wannabe Britney-in-Toxic dress?! BTW Poor Kasey, at least he's getting screwed while he gets screwed over by Vienna. I actually felt bad when I saw her & Jake's breakup, but now I am pretty sure they are both psycho.
ReplyDeleteAny guesses on the Final Four yet?
Well, I read spoilers so I can't say without ruining it for you. But I do think that the people with more airtime will stick around... It just makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI loved last night's episode. I now think both Jake and Vienna are made for each other. That is they are both fame whores willing to do whatever to keep the spot light on them. Vienna likes to play the victim and go on and on about what a monster Jake is. And Jake likes to play calm, cool, and collected, and pretend that he still cares about her and that the only reason he yelled at her was because he's heart was breaking. Bull shit! The only reason why he gave her the rose is because he is doing damage control. He is trying to repair his image that was ruined by that break up special. And in the process of repairing his image, he probably lost Gia as an ally.
ReplyDeleteWhile I hate to say it, I think that Erica will be there for awhile...she's such an airhead that the others can easily manipulate her anyway they want!
ReplyDelete