Brad chooses Emily!

Well it’s over… What a season! What a journey! I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible. The episode kicked off in Capetown with Brad overlooking the ocean, pondering life and rockin’ a pair of man-pris. His family arrives and he screams for them to hurry up! Come up here! Then he cries. Such a pansy. Someone call the therapist.

Chantal arrives and I have a feeling that Mrs. Womack is going to like her – they both wear leopard! Chantal explains to his family that she knew she loved Brad after a lot of wine and going back to his hotel room. But they only talked! She also says that she thinks being with Brad in a hotel room in Costa Rica with free wine and food and cameras is the real world. No. The real world is slaving over the stove with the kids screaming and the dog pooping on the floor while Brad slugs a beer and watches football. Try that for real world.

All in all, great family date for Chantal. I think she did a good job.

Emily shows up with flowers – automatic points. She also got her hair dyed for the date. Super yellow! Without fail, Brad’s family asks about Little Ricki’s dad – Hmm… I wonder if the producers staged that. Everytime Emily tells her story, it’s just as sad to hear.

Brad and his brothers talk and they warn him that having a child isn’t fun and it’s hard work. Man, after the episode, I’m re-thinking kids. Brad loves that she’s a lady. It makes him not want to be a pig.

Emily is not as cuddly around Brads mom but she made her cry. 10 points. Emily leaves and it’s time to see what the Womacks think! His family thinks Chantal and Brad would date. Emily and Brad would jump head first into a life. Family chooses Emily.

Time for the much previewed shark date. Why would you make Chantal do this again? Make Emily try this. Cleavage suit! The puns are beginning to drive me nuts. “Test out the water before getting married.” Cheese. Later that night, Chantal gives Brad a message in a bottle. I almost forgot about the kindergarten craft projects. Brad calls Chantal Channy and I’m reminded of Channy from Jake’s season who spoke about her landing strip… good times!

Time for Emily’s last chance date! Too bad that Emily forgot her pants. Brad tells Emily multiples times how much his family loved her. AKA more than Channy. Emily spends their time together trying to scare Brad about how tough kids are. Can’t scare Brad – He asks to be Little Ricki’s father. Um, this is basically a proposal. The night continues and Emily is telling him again how un-fun being a parent is. Are you trying to lose? This is the worst last date ever. Brad thinks that he was knocked down and defeated. How dramatic of him.

The next morning, Brad looks out over the ocean and thinks. Topless. Emily wakes up with her hair and makeup done. Chantal does too. And she wears a sports bra. I call BS. I do not look like that when I wake up.

Neil Lane shows up and kind of looks like Brad’s therapist. The ring screamed Emily.

Time to crush Chantal’s hopes and dreams. Both girls look stunning I think. I miss the days when I didn’t know who was going to win. I used to get so excited to see who got out of the limo first. Chantal had to know it was going downhill when Brad started talking. He wasn’t the same. Brad wipes tears from her lips. I’d slap his hand off. She’s heartbroken. This is sad. She laid it all out there. I really really liked Chantal.

Brad says that he has a heavy heart about Chantal. But he sure isn’t pulling a Jason Mesnick. Doesn’t seem SO heavy to me.

Brad proposes to Emily like we all expected. Cue the crying. And the hugging. And the Neil Lane product placement. The end! Now they can live happily ever after! Or so we thought.

AFTR!

Chantal looks fabulous! And I was really impressed that she gave him a piece of her mind. She was definitely right that he was discounting their relationship. Obviously Brad was scared of Emily backstage. I’m sure Chantal’s new boyfriend didn’t appreciate this little sob session either.

Brad tells us that he is engaged to Emily. But he can’t speak for her. An engagement is mutual. How can Brad say that he can't speak for Emily? Ridiculous! Emily looks great. Glad that someone fixed her hair.

We’re made to think that Brad and Emily having issues 6 weeks into their engagement is crazy. This isn’t that shocking! You haven’t dated in public! Not that crazy! They also seem surprised that watching the show back was brutal. No kidding.

Emily pokes the bear. TMI. She also feels like a dime a dozen watching the show. You were on the Bachelor with 24 other girls. You’re lucky to be a dime a dozen.

Time for Couples Intervention 101! Molly and Jason are my favorite of these three therapy couples. She looks better than ever! Ryan and Trista are cool, but I don’t even think there were tabloids 7 years ago, so the advice is kind of irrelevant.

Well, that ends another crazy and dramatic season of The Bachelor. Thank you to all of the loyal readers who check out my blog weekly. Looking forward to the next season!

Women Tell Nothing!

I never enjoy this episode. All we do is re-live the season, hear how crazy one contestant is, and how everyone wants closure. Womp womp…

One thing that stuck out to me this episode was Chantal’s sweat marks on Night 1. How did I not notice that sooner? Honestly, the best part of last night’s episode was the Bachelor Reunion footage. I’m officially amped for Bachelor Pad 2. That show is all drama. Basically, the reunion was a competition on who would be the craziest and let loose enough to get cast for BP2. It’s obvious that the people who had a lot of face time are going to be on the show. Vienna was hooking up with Wes, Kasey was hooking up with Erica… Now Vienna and Kasey are boyfriend and girlfriend. What a show!

Back to the women! Everyone looks fabulous and the fashion is really on point. I can’t say I love Ashley’s new look though. It’s a little over the top and too much for me. I think she went one whitening and spray tan shade too far.

The Rachel and Melissa drama is just as boring and annoying as it was a few weeks ago. They’re not even core members of the cast. Enough already! The Michelle saga is much more entertaining. Stacey the bartender thinks it’s a good idea to rip Michelle a new one. I may be Team Michelle. Yes, I said it. I kind of like her. She’s nutty and sarcastic… But she’s fun. And she might be a fabulous actress, but I felt bad for her.

I think people like Stacey and Jackie were just vying for some camera time and needed to run their mouths to get a word in. And whoever that blonde chick on the top left was. No one even knows you… Shh!

I still love Ashley S. She looks beautiful, awesome dress and just a cutie. I have to say that I’d enjoy her as the Bachelorette. She is genuine. Unfortunately, her BFF Ashley H. will take on that role instead. One good thing that came from Ashley H.’s makeover is that her eyebrows are fixed. Thank god.

Ashley H.’s interview was a complete prep session to announce her as the next Bachelorette. I mean c’mon – She loved Brad, didn’t use her time wisely and open up, but now is ready to date and find love! Puh-lease.

Wondering why we didn’t hear from Shawntel at all? She did give Brad a look of death when he walked on to the stage. No pun intended.

Brad was super happy during his time in the hot seat. I don’t think we’ve seen him this happy all season. And then we get to see some bloopers and who knew! Brad is fun! And he laughs!

Well, this episode was as exciting as watching paint dry. See you on Monday!

South Africa

It’s time for the fantasy suites! Who will accept? Who will give it up?

Brad flies commercial to South Africa, first class. I wonder if there were any Bachelor fans on the plane. I wonder what kind of snacks he had on the flight. Maybe Brad enjoys a Bloody Mary while flying like I do. All of the things we’ll never know…

As standard time filler, Brad recaps his time with each of the remaining ladies. In a nutshell, his relationship with Chantal is a rollercoaster ride, he’s not confident in Ashley’s feelings for him, and Emily is one in a million. But can Brad handle being a father? There you have it.

Chantal’s date is first. Both Brad and Chantal were told to dress like they were going to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Cool hat, Brad. The date was pretty awesome, but it drove me nuts that they kept stressing how dangerous it was. You’re with an entire camera crew for a television show. You’ll be okay.

Brad also talks about missing Chantal’s family. Really, Brad just misses Papa O’Brien, the bromance they shared and his hopes of becoming rich like them.

Time for the evening portion of the date and Chantal is pulling out all of the stops. First stop, her cleavage. Second stop, letting Brad know she is ready for marriage and that she takes engagements seriously. Yes, that’s why you’re on The Bachelor. That treehouse is absolutely incredible. I’ll bet $100 that Brad and Chantal seal the deal.

Emily looks adorable on her date. I wish I had her wardrobe. And her legs. Jealous. Brad is very excited to see her and acts like a huge dork. Luckily, Emily is just as excited because Brad is fulfilling her dreams – Riding an elephant! I prefer watching them poop at the circus, but that’s just me. Brad and Emily have a great conversation about the Little Ricki factor. He seems like he’s reading from a book on “How to Win Over a Single Mom,” but otherwise, good stuff.

At dinner, Brad tells Emily that he has so much to ask her. Yup, that makes sense considering you’ve known each other for 5 weeks. Back in the fantasy suite, Emily tells Brad she’s falling and he says it back. I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in all of my Bachelor watching years. He says that he can’t hear her say that without saying something back. Yet when the other girls have told him that, he is okay saying nothing. Hmm…

Ashley’s date is a bundle of awkwardness. First, she freaks out about being in a helicopter and screeches like a child. Then Brad gets his panties in a bundle that Ashley is career oriented. What?! A woman with a career? How dare you, Ashley.

Brad pisses me off on their date. He gives Ashley crap for not mentioning that she’d live in Austin and tells her that they need to compromise. Oh yeah, Brad? When did you mention living anywhere outside of Austin? Double standard. Props to Ashley for sticking up for herself and telling Brad that he’s only looking for a wife.

Brad’s hoping to get rid of the awkwardness and get to the bedroom. Well, unfortunately the awkwardness continues. They talk about mosquitoes. I wonder who’s getting no rose.

Time for the rose ceremony. Chris lets the girls know that all of this extravagance is for one thing – finding love. And getting famous. Brad pulls Ashley aside and her microphone pack makes her look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

She’s really hurt and surprised and Brad wonders what’s wrong. Hmm…

Brad says that he really hopes to find love this time and not go home alone for the second time. You sure better find love this time Brad. There’s no third chance in Bachelor world. It’s the Bachelor Pad from here on out.

Brad asks Emily and Chantal for a group hug.

Okay, who’s your pick to win? Will Brad go home alone? Are you sad about Ashley? Let me know what you thought of this week’s episode!