South Africa

It’s time for the fantasy suites! Who will accept? Who will give it up?

Brad flies commercial to South Africa, first class. I wonder if there were any Bachelor fans on the plane. I wonder what kind of snacks he had on the flight. Maybe Brad enjoys a Bloody Mary while flying like I do. All of the things we’ll never know…

As standard time filler, Brad recaps his time with each of the remaining ladies. In a nutshell, his relationship with Chantal is a rollercoaster ride, he’s not confident in Ashley’s feelings for him, and Emily is one in a million. But can Brad handle being a father? There you have it.

Chantal’s date is first. Both Brad and Chantal were told to dress like they were going to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Cool hat, Brad. The date was pretty awesome, but it drove me nuts that they kept stressing how dangerous it was. You’re with an entire camera crew for a television show. You’ll be okay.

Brad also talks about missing Chantal’s family. Really, Brad just misses Papa O’Brien, the bromance they shared and his hopes of becoming rich like them.

Time for the evening portion of the date and Chantal is pulling out all of the stops. First stop, her cleavage. Second stop, letting Brad know she is ready for marriage and that she takes engagements seriously. Yes, that’s why you’re on The Bachelor. That treehouse is absolutely incredible. I’ll bet $100 that Brad and Chantal seal the deal.

Emily looks adorable on her date. I wish I had her wardrobe. And her legs. Jealous. Brad is very excited to see her and acts like a huge dork. Luckily, Emily is just as excited because Brad is fulfilling her dreams – Riding an elephant! I prefer watching them poop at the circus, but that’s just me. Brad and Emily have a great conversation about the Little Ricki factor. He seems like he’s reading from a book on “How to Win Over a Single Mom,” but otherwise, good stuff.

At dinner, Brad tells Emily that he has so much to ask her. Yup, that makes sense considering you’ve known each other for 5 weeks. Back in the fantasy suite, Emily tells Brad she’s falling and he says it back. I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in all of my Bachelor watching years. He says that he can’t hear her say that without saying something back. Yet when the other girls have told him that, he is okay saying nothing. Hmm…

Ashley’s date is a bundle of awkwardness. First, she freaks out about being in a helicopter and screeches like a child. Then Brad gets his panties in a bundle that Ashley is career oriented. What?! A woman with a career? How dare you, Ashley.

Brad pisses me off on their date. He gives Ashley crap for not mentioning that she’d live in Austin and tells her that they need to compromise. Oh yeah, Brad? When did you mention living anywhere outside of Austin? Double standard. Props to Ashley for sticking up for herself and telling Brad that he’s only looking for a wife.

Brad’s hoping to get rid of the awkwardness and get to the bedroom. Well, unfortunately the awkwardness continues. They talk about mosquitoes. I wonder who’s getting no rose.

Time for the rose ceremony. Chris lets the girls know that all of this extravagance is for one thing – finding love. And getting famous. Brad pulls Ashley aside and her microphone pack makes her look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

She’s really hurt and surprised and Brad wonders what’s wrong. Hmm…

Brad says that he really hopes to find love this time and not go home alone for the second time. You sure better find love this time Brad. There’s no third chance in Bachelor world. It’s the Bachelor Pad from here on out.

Brad asks Emily and Chantal for a group hug.

Okay, who’s your pick to win? Will Brad go home alone? Are you sad about Ashley? Let me know what you thought of this week’s episode!