Reality Steve does it again!

It's been a while, guys! We're less than one month out from the premiere of The Bachelor and I for one CAN NOT WAIT.

Reality Steve posted his season spoilers today -http://realitysteve.com/2010/12/08/all-your-bachelor-spoilers-for-brads-season/. He breaks down the entire season with each elimination. If you're into spoilers, I'd check this out! Pretty impressive.

Don't worry - I won't spoil anything here.

The countdown begins!

Brad is back!

So, Brad Womack is officially the next Bachelor.... Again.

Was that the most anticlimatic Dancing with the Stars announcement ever? It wasn't even exciting. No one was surprised, since Reality Steve broke this news last week... at least I wasn't.

Are you happy? Annoyed that he's getting another chance?

I didn't watch Brad's first season, so this is a "new" Bachelor to me.

Let me know what you think! Only a few months left!!!

THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA SHARE WITH YA!

Okay, was this not the best finale ever?! Before we start, I’d like to give out a few superlatives:

Dumbest: We have a tie!

Jessie S – for going home with David after the finale aired, after acting like a hard ass AND voting for him.

Michelle – for acting like Tenley murdered your first born child. It was a rumor. Grow up!

Elizabeth – for trying to defend yourself against a guy that DOES NOT LIKE YOU on TV. You will not win this one.

Most Improved: Another tie!

Peyton – loving the new hair-do!

Krisily – looking hot, I must say.

Cutest Couple:

Wes & Gia – Maybe I’m a sucker for “Love Don’t Come Easy” but I’m loving them together. Maybe I have a girl crush on her. Who knows…

Best Line of the night:

Natalie, “That’s why I’m gonna share it with ya!”

On to the episode…

The Dancing With The Stars competition was boring. We all knew that Tenley was going to take the cake and it doesn’t surprise me that ABC made this the final challenge, since they love “Kip-Ten.”

The best part of the whole competition was Kovacs drooling over Edyta. Or maybe David “Man Code” Good dancing with Louis van Amstel. Or maybe watching Elizabeth poop her pants thinking that Edyta is hotter than her… which she is. She’s literally watching them dance, about to start foaming at the mouth. I feel like she’s about to turn into a werewolf. Maybe I should stop watching Twilight…

Oh wait! We can’t forget Louis comparing David and Natalie’s dance moves to doggy style. Classic! I wonder if he’ll use that this season with Margaret Cho…

One of the brainiacs says that “This is just like Dancing with the Stars!” Yes. Except that you’re in a driveway, there is no audience and you aren’t a star.

All of the dances were weird. Tenley and Kiptyn were clearly the best, but who wished she stopped saying, “Smile!” throughout the dance to Kip? Elizabeth and Jesse were pitiful. Their music sounded like something you’d listen while on hold for the dentist and Kovacs misses Edyta. Dave & Natalie look fun, but there isn’t much talent. Although Judge Jake thinks they tried “dang hard.” Oh man, I wish I blogged Jake’s season. Talk about content!

Kip-Ten wins (I can’t believe I just endorsed that name) and Elizabeth is sad that her fairytale is going to end. Maybe next time she’ll learn that this show is about money, not love. Jesse tries the whole, “Vote for us, we suck!” tactic, but nope.

Goodbye Kovacs & Elizabeth!

LIVE FINALE!

I think everyone went about 3 shades too dark in the spray tan booth, right? Or is my screen just heavy on the orange this week?

Quick thoughts: Melissa’s dress is quite va-va-voom… But I’ve gotta give it to her – She looks awesome for a few months pregnant. Not feeling her ponytail though… Gia looks hot as usual. Elizabeth, SERIOUS improvement with the hair color. Now let’s hope it fades a bit.

Elizabeth – Note to self: When you’re trying to act like you’ve moved on from someone, don’t throw out the, “If anyone wants to date a player” comment… It makes you look pathetic. Especially when he doesn’t seem to care.

Who is LOVING Gia and Wes and their kiss session? Me!

Once again, Jessie S. is deciding to come out of the woodwork and be chatty. First, she goes off on a rampage about Dave. Then, she went home with him after the finale. Classy!

I’m so over the Nikki-Kiptyn saga. Yes, Nikki, you saved him. But so did Tenley technically. It’s a game. Pipe down.

Why are Chris and Melissa standing behind these creepy podiums?

We then hear why everyone should get $250k. Pretty normal responses, assisted by some comments from the peanut gallery. Excuse me Gwen? You’d like to admit that you’re 39 now? I thought it was pretty cool of Dave to be honest with her. David: "If you're in your 30's and on a reality dating show, it's ____." Let's all help David fill in the awkward blank. *Desperate *Sad *Pathetic *Creepy *Weird *Unfortunate *Silly

I think that Kiptyn would have had a much better chance if he wasn’t with Tenley.

Time for votes! (And my commentary)

Craig M – Kiptyn & Tenley

Weatherman – Kiptyn & Tenley

Jessie S. – David & Natalie (She’s looking to hook-up with Dave.)

Krisily – David & Natalie (She’s looking to hook-up with Dave.)

Peyton – David & Natalie (All thanks to Natalie being her friend when Peyton felt like an outcast)

Jesse B – David & Natalie

Juan – Kiptyn & Tenley (He’s proving a man-code point that he will not ever endorse David.)

Gwen – Kiptyn & Tenley (She’s bitter that Dave called her desperate.)

Ashley – David & Natalie

Michelle – David & Natalie (Psycho.)

Nikki – David & Natalie (Karma’s a bitch, Kip!)

Wes – I GOT YA BROTHER. (Runner up for best line of the night… Did anyone else get a little emotional?)

Kovacs comes in for the hug… This is fabulous! I’m giddy. I’ll assume that Gia, Elizabeth and Kovacs all voted for David & Natalie also.

Once Harrison talks about the next steps and announces the possibility of the rejects getting money, Juan and Weatherman insta-hug. Seriously?! What could be creepier?

Natalie & Dave contemplate. Then we get our happy ending, with Natalie saying, “THAT’S WHY I'M GONNA SHARE WITH YA!”

Okay, who is going to miss this show SO much? Who would you have voted for? What show should I blog next? We have a few months until the next Bachelor, so send some suggestions! Thanks for reading!

Let's go on a rocketship!

In the words of Chris Harrison, “Everything is about to change.” He definitely says this once each season. All of the girls get nervous. Elizabeth is worried that she may have to leave Kovacs. How about the money!? Get your head in the game.

The girls get all decked out for their daytime challenge. Someone must have told them it wasn’t a pie eating contest. The “single” girls must feel pretty stupid for being anti-couples. This is a no brainer.

Nikki… You really think Kiptyn will pick you? Tenley saved him just as much as you did. I wish the guys wouldn’t pretend they might not pick their girlfriends. It’s wasting my time.

Ashley, Nikki and Gwen leave heartbroken. They didn’t find love or money. Maybe you shouldn’t have jumped on the “Bash Couples Fest 2010” train.

Time for the first couples challenge. Everyone is strategizing.

Natalie hopes it’s a swimming race – haha.

Elizabeth and Jesse brainstorm and see who knows more about each other. REMIND ME WHY ELIZABETH DIDN’T WIN “MOST DUMB” !??! She takes memory pills.

We hear Tenley talk about being in love and fairy princesses. Kip-Ten… I have no words.

Jesse is picking an ingrown hair with a screw.

This challenge was really lame and boring. Luckily, my favorite couple wins. The orange team (P&J) are probably going home and Peyton is blaming it on herself.

Natalie and David await their date card. Tenley suspects they’ll be going in a rocket. Tenley, I would like to shoot you into outerspace in a rocketship throughout this entire episode. Stop eating so much candy and get off the happy train. You’re driving me crazy!

Elizabeth and Jesse spot the Lamborghini in the driveway and decide to “christen” it. Does anyone wonder if Elizabeth watches the show with her parents? Her dad must be proud!

Dave and Natalie start their drive on the PCH. How much more likeable is Dave this season!?! They bond over some sushi and sake, and we get to see the softer side of Dave. I loved hearing what they’d each do with their money and how appreciate Natalie is of her parents.

They talk strategy and Dave makes it clear that he can beat Kovacs at ANYTHING. He only played baseball in college. Dave played everything else.

Back at the PAD, Elizabeth and Jesse sneak off into the fantasy suite. Again – Your. Parents. Would. Be. Proud. Elizabeth annoys Kovacs and keeps telling him that she wants romance. Um, hello! He brought chocolate and champagne. That’s pretty romantic for the Bachelor.

Tenley knows they’re doing it because she went upstairs and it “smelled good.” EW! Wouldn’t it smell bad? T.M.I.

The rose ceremony is interesting and truthfully, I wasn’t sure which way it would go. I thought that it might even come down to a tie, but in the end, Peyton and Jesse got the boot. Natalie and Tenley made the right move, because they need their partners trust.

I’m also not sure I think Elizabeth and Jesse are such a threat. They know a lot about each other, but that is it. They haven’t won anything yet. If I were playing, I’d get rid of Tenley and Kiptyn because they’re likeable. Don’t these people watch Survivor?

Who is your pick to win? I’m rooting for Dave and Natalie.

Bachelor Pad Superlatives!

This week’s Bachelor Pad was really lacking in the humor department. I didn’t LOL once. Too serious! Sorry that my blog is two days late – my mom and I went to the Emmy’s this weekend and just got back on Tuesday. There’s a picture below incase anyone wants to see us glammed up!


I think it was pretty obvious from the beginning that Wes was going home. He basically committed PAD suicide by defending Gia’s honor once she was gone. Give it up! To gather his thoughts and re-compose, Wes takes a dip in the hot tub in his briefs. Everytime we see people like Gwen or Ashley, I can’t help but wonder why they’re still there. White rice… they bring nothing to the table.

Time for the cruel survey. Tenley obviously cries while filling it out. She really pushes the annoying envelope this episode. This game was harsh, but I think it could’ve been worse. Like – Most likely to have an STD, Most likely to sleep with your boyfriend/girlfriend, Ugliest, etc.

Natalie is hysterical. She was honored when she thought she was being voted dumbest, but then devastated when she got “always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” Basically she got voted “Biggest Flirt.” It’s not the end of the world. I was “Biggest Flirt” in my 8th grade superlatives! I actually thought Nikki was going to get that one and have a mental breakdown.

Elizabeth was voted the most shallow, but no worries because she doesn’t even know what shallow means. Idiot. And her boob job is pretty bad. Kovacs should have sucked it up and been honest. At least they’d both be safe!

Tenley and Jesse B. win and they each get a one-on-one date. It’s obvious who they’re going to pick, so the rest of the episode was pretty boring. Too similar to the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Back inside, the girls are all crying and freaking out about the game. Momma Gwen comforts Natalie and Kovacs realizes that he loves Elizabeth. Dave is sitting on the couch wondering how he can used his “Most Crushed On” status to dominate the game. I’m sure the girls that didn’t have their names written at all feel really awkward at this point.

Prince Charming and Cinderella leave for their date and we learn it’s Kip’s first helicopter ride. WHAT?! How is this possible? He was on the Bachelorette! Tenley keeps using cheesy terms like “leap of faith” and she’s losing any hope I had for her rapidly. Her energy is overwhelming. I feel like I’m playing CandyLand or something. The date is boring. They tell each other that they have crushes on each other. The end.

Jesse and Peyton’s date was much funnier. Peyton introduces Jesse to a martini. We knew that he was going to be wasted and it’s all downhill from there. Jesse chugs it and starts pig-fest 2010. Peyton is upset that he’s acting like this – Hello! Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten him so drunk. No love going on for these two tonight.

At the rose ceremony, David and Kovacs are at the mercy of Kiptyn, because if it’s a tie, he’ll be the swing vote and vote out Elizabeth. They flip their vote and screw Krisily.

Next week looks pretty entertaining, and I have a good idea of what is going to happen.

Tell me – Who would you give the 250k to? Are you rooting for the couples or the loners?

Kissing contest and more!

Kissing contest! How exciting! If only this was immediately following the pie-eating/barfing contest…

Gia cries because she has a boyfriend and can’t kiss other boys. Ashley says she can’t participate because her gallbladder. Oh wait, that was Krisily last week. Wrong excuse! Ashley is a teacher. I respect the fact that she doesn’t want her kiddies watching her swap spit with 6 guys, but why did you come on this show?

I have no idea why Gia was in the game for half, only to quit later. If you peck guys on the lips, you’re obviously going to lose – c’mon, you’re up against Elizabeth and Natalie, who are trying to eat face. So why even play?

Nastiest girl kisser: Elizabeth. She was groaning. Why would she think that eating each guys face and slobbering might give her the big W? Anyone notice the “mmmm” sounds she made? EW. Poor Kovacs.

Kovacs makes a comment that he’s going to have to struggle through some of these kisses. I’m sorry but every one of these girls is good looking. It’s not like this is a charity case situation.

Favorite line of the season – Natalie letting us know she’d make out with all of the guys for like 20 bucks. HILARIOUS. This is why I love her.

Who can watch Weatherman without laughing? I can’t. Natalie leaves him needing a cold shower, then Elizabeth tries to beat her and proceeds to slobber all over him, then spitting in the pool after. Disgusting…

Peyton wins for the girls and David wins for the men. I’ll have to check in with my sources on how good of a kisser David is.

David’s turn to pick 3 lucky ladies…

Ashley hopes it is her. Um, it won’t be. You sat out the competition. DUH! David picks Nikki (sympathy), Krisily (she’s way too excited) and Natalie (sex).

Krisily is all up on David’s junk. She loves him. She is ready to tell him that after kissing him during the contest, she’s fallen. Terrible idea, Krisily. He does not like you. Shocker: David chooses Natalie for the overnight date.

Krisily is sad and wishes she got to tell David her feelings. Well, lucky for you, you didn’t get that opportunity. It would’ve been mortifying.

David and Natalie consummate their love in the Fantasy Suite. Now they’re a couple. Right…

Back at the PAD, Tenley is rejected by Kiptyn and freaks out to Natalie. Tenley, you’re annoying. Take it back a notch.

Peyton makes a great decision, choosing the Jesse’s and Kiptyn for her date. Jesse B. is feeling Peyton and makes sure to let her know that him and Natalie are not a couple. He’s wholesome and she’s a hoochie and he’s not down with that. Cue make out scene!

Jesse B. gets the rose and since their date was local, their fantasy suite happens to be in the PAD.

PAUSE! DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THE “LOVER’S BODY PAINT” OUTSIDE OF THE FANTASY SUITE? W T F. Nevermind the chocolates and candles… what’s up with the body paint? In the word’s of David Good – CHEESE ASS.

Gia and Wes are canoodling. Here we go! The moment we’ve all been waiting for…. “Love don’t come easy!” Wes obviously only knows one song. And this is it. If I was Gia’s boyfriend, she’d be toast. She’s fully cheating minus the physicality.

It’s time for the rose ceremony and Peyton is wearing the dress that I just bought for the Emmy’s this weekend. I look better in it. Yes, I’m going to the Emmy’s. I sure hope the Bachelor Pad people are too!

Elizabeth gets saved and Gia and the Weatherman get the boot. Definitely losing some humor with the Weatherman. Season’s always get more lame without him.

Are you an Insider or an Outsider?

Ah, this guilty pleasure I like to call “The Bachelor Pad”…

The episode kicks off with America’s Favorite Couple, Kovacs and Crazy Elizabeth, talking strategy. Kovacs has completely fallen under her spell. He now thinks that being in a couple is better than being alone. Someone quote him and engrave this on his tombstone one day.

On to the other couple, Natalie and Jesse B. This couple is dangerous, especially to him. If they stay close, the “outcast” girls will vote him off. Natalie has enough friends on the guys team that her relationship won’t matter. Luckily for Jesse, he read my blog and dumps Natalie later on.

It must be interesting to wake up with everyone. You can really see who looks good and bad. Damn, I’d love to look like Gia rolling out of bed. I’m a hot mess in the morning. I’d be voted out first. Hello morning breath!

Our first challenge is a pie eating contest – hosted by the checked shirt Chris Harrison and skinny-minny Melissa (love the dress). I’m amazed at how difficult they all made this look. IT’S EATING! C’mon girls… once upon a time, you used to eat. I am confident that I would destroy this competition. WHY DID THE GIRLS TAKE OFF THEIR SHIRTS TO EAT THE PIE? Is every competition going to be in bikini tops?

Everyone starts barfing. Shouldn’t you be disqualified once you puke? Isn’t that cheating? I hope the kissing contest is next. It comes down to Gia and Tenley, the two hottest girls [barf, eat, barf, eat] and Gia wins.

It’s the boys turns. I hope they puke a lot… that’d be funny. Craig should probably wear a headband – what if he messes up his bouffant? David is like “Whatever, this is chicken shit, bitches.” David comes in last place.

Anyone else wondering WHY can’t the girls clean their faces before 1-on-1 time with the camera? C’mon.

Craig rubs his hair in the pie. He will soon eat “L.A. Looks - No Frizz Extra Hold” gel and die of chemical consumption. Maybe he’s trying to poison himself to death since...... his nemesis THE WEATHERMAN wins!

The Weatherman takes Gwen, Peyton and Ashley on his date, all “outcasts.” Little does he know that Ashley has a secret alliance with the in-crowd. Way to go Weatherman – should’ve listened to Captain Gia! With the exception of Weatherman’s speedo, this date looked really fun. Who doesn’t like body painting? After the messy part, Weatherman begins to work these women over. I see some scheming in the forecast! He then tries to seduce Mama Gwen, but she isn’t happening and let’s us know that she doesn’t foresee this happening in a million years. #Rejected

Anyone else laugh when Gia was pulling names out of the bowl and David kept yelling, “Stir it around!” That’s man-code for play fair, Gia! She decides to take Jesse B., Craig and Wes. And her mind is already made up that Craig will get the rose. AKA, something will change and Wes will get the rose. Duh.

On their date, I’m loving her and Wes. She should probably break up with the professional hockey player and date the professional reality television villain. He’s much cooler. She gives the rose to Wes. Probably should apologize to Craig for lying… Just sayin.

Kovacs and Elizabeth are back at the PAD and she tells him that she is a DUMB SMART GIRL. Nope. You are just plain dumb. There is a difference. Cue shower sex. [BTW - Last week, I read on the Kovacs Facebook page that they were having a viewing party this week. Do you think his parents come? Awkward.]

On the other side of the pool, David and Jessie are in the hot tub about to start making out. Jessie, before you seduce David for votes, check for Krisily in the bushes listening. #yourescrewed

Jesse B. dumps Natalie and she is heartbroken. I think they’ve known each other for about 3 days at this point. Yup, that sounds about right. Bachelor time is like dog years, so that’s like 21 days. It’s LOVE. Tenley consoles her and let’s her know that she’s still a princess.

Rose Ceremony time! Natalie raided a 5 year old’s dance costume closet. Harrison, dressed up in quite the shirt/tie combination, asks Elizabeth about relationships in the house. How dare she compare her and Kovacs sexcapades to Tenley and Kiptyn’s Cinderella story? Tenley cries.

Jessie realizes that she is in danger and cries to David, begging for her life in the game. She seems real drunk and not comprehending much of what he’s saying. The Insiders should obviously keep Jessie because she’s an easy vote.

Kiptyn woo’s Nikki over before she votes, so she obviously doesn’t vote for Kiptyn. Who could vote out Kiptyn? C’mon.

Well, Canada has been defeated. Craig and Jessie are both given the boot.

This show is going to get better and better. Who are you rooting for? Do you like the Insiders or the Outsiders?

Deanna & Holly engaged to the Stagliano brothers!

It's official!

Check out US Weekly this week for details!

Jesse Csincsak is engaged!

Another Bachelor/ette proposal - Jesse, the winner from Deanna's season, is engaged to another Bachelor family member.

Read more here: http://blogs.babble.com/famecrawler/2010/08/10/the-bachelorettes-jesse-csincsak-gets-engaged/

Here is a live video from the proposal: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/08/exclusive-video-watch-bachelorette-winner-jesse-csincsak-get-engaged

Is that not one of the most unexciting and unenthusiastic proposals ever? They seem sedated. She could at least scream or cry!

The Bachelor Pad begins!

The PAD has begun. This show is such a freak show, that I’m not sure I can blog with structure. This might be random thoughts, but we’ll see as weeks progress.

The limos arrive. Do we really believe that they don’t know who else is on the show with them? They’re all friends, all part of the incestuous Bachelor family… I don’t buy it.

Initial thoughts –

• Tenley is gorgeous.
• Natalie is hysterical.
• Gwen’s going to be the odd man out since she’s (gasp) almost 40!
• Juan played Nikki for a fool.
• I can’t believe Wes came back after ABC screwed him and made him look like the biggest asshole in all of Bachelor history.
• Elizabeth, why on earth did you dye your hair urine yellow?
• Michelle, did you bring your meds?
• Man I’ve missed the Weatherman! WHAT’S THE FORECAST!?
• I’m surprised they let Gia on with a boyfriend.

Everyone begins mingling. The Weatherman cracks me up. I’m so happy he’s back. He’s nervous that the girls might be jealous if he hooks up with one of them, so he’s trying to think of the right strategy and obviously stressing over it. Typical.

Clearly once the ABC memo came letting the girls know they’d be on the PAD, they all starved themselves. I would’ve too. They all look awesome. Let’s take a poll – Who would you most like to look like?

• Gia
• Tenley
• Melissa Rycroft
• Jessie S.

My vote is probably for Melissa, but it’s a close call. This could change in the next game of Twister.

Speaking of Twister… At least everyone looks awesome in their bikinis, because no one knows their right from their left. Since all of the girls want Craig to lose, he wins. Duh!

Tenley starts a rumor that Craig and Michelle hooked up. The funniest part about this is that everyone is disgusted. Fully grossed out, repulsed. Ha! No one is treating the two of them like humans. On the other hand, Natalie and Jesse start making out and it’s super cute. I wonder if Jesse packed that denim one piece. I hope he didn’t.

Craig, the biggest douche in all of Bachelor history, chooses Gwen, Elizabeth and Jessie for the date. Since Jessie is Canadian, she gets the rose. Elizabeth is PISSED. How dare he not try harder to win her over! Does she realize that she sounds like a complete psycho?

Back at the mansion, Jesse gives Elizabeth the “check yourself woman” convo and she cries. When she looks at Jesse, she sees love. When he looks at her, he sees a giant obstacle in getting $250K. He should dump her ass.

Michelle the psychopants locks Tenley in the bathroom. Tenley cries. This is not something that happens in Disney movies and Michelle is sure not a fairy princess. Tenley is totally getting her posse to vote Michelle out.

Juan decides that he should apologize to Nikki for playing her for a fool… but conveniently right before the voting ceremony. Too late Juan! Nikki has already got her gang of bitches to vote your ass out. How’s that for man code!

Elizabeth cries more and tells Jesse that he needs to express his feelings for her. She wants to find love. He wants to win money. This should get real interesting.

In the end, Krisily and Kovacs get a big scare, but it’s Juan and Michelle that get the boot. Michelle, maybe next time you’ll think twice before locking a fairy princess in the bathroom.

In perfect fashion, the Weatherman finishes the episode by saying, “Adios Juanito!” He’s the best. Man, I’ve missed him.

Okay – let’s hear it. Who are your favorites? Who do you want to hook up? Who should win the money? Leave some comments! This is going to be a great season.

Can You Feel The Love Tonight? FINALE!

Finale night! I knew what was going to happen last night, thanks to my friend Reality Steve, who once again didn’t fail to spoil the season – way to go!

Right off the bat, I cried about 8 times last night. Maybe I’m PMS-ing, but everything about Chris made me cry. On to the recap…

I think we could all tell from the beginning of the episode that Roberto was going to be the one in the end. She spoke about them differently and made a point that she was falling in love with Roberto. As for Chris, she said he could be the one for her. As perfect as he might be for her, if she doesn’t love him, it’s not perfect. It’s the good ol’ saying, “He’s great on paper.”

It’s interesting how important Ali claims her family is, because she never spoke much about them besides her grandmother. Yes, she would stress how important family is and how much she loves them, but I never heard anything specific about either sibling for example.

Luckily, Roberto and Ali’s mom both got the memo to wear turquoise and match the couch during their 1-on-1 talk. Roberto nailed family time. He was poised, smart and sincere. Ali tells her parents how romantic Roberto is, and I think she almost slips and tells her dad about their sex life. Nish nish…

Roberto asked for permission to marry Mr. Fed’s daughter, because he has known her for 4 weeks, been on 7 dates with her, and spent one night together. And duh! He’s granted permission.

Can we pause and discuss how gorgeous Tahiti is? Take me now.

It’s obvious that she’s in love with him. You can see it in her eyes while she watches him leave that day.

Chris L. has some serious work to do, but luckily he’s from Massachusetts and a Red Sox fan. He’s a shoe-in. He has so much in common with the family… Poor Chris definitely thought he had this in the bag. When Ali’s mom got all deep and asked Chris about his mom, I cried for the first time of the evening. The guy is so sincere.

Chris asks Mr. Fed for permission to marry Ali. I cry again. Her dad says something about being ORIENTATED. I think he meant oriented, anyone else?

When Chris leaves, as much as Ali seems to have a tough decision in front of her… I think we all know.

WHAT THE F*@& are Ali and Roberto thinking swimming with a mass quantity of stingrays? AHHH! I know I’m more nervous than most people (yes, my nickname was Nervous Mervous as a child) but don’t they know about that Crocodile guy who died from a stingray? This is whack.

Any hopeless romantic (me) loved the rain scene. It was hot. Let’s be serious. The date continues back at Roberto’s love shack and he gives her a picture frame. Did he make that? Bad ass. There’s no AC in the room because Roberto is dripping sweat. Not unusual.

Note: Ali tells Roberto that her heart is exploding out of her chest. The Bachelorette/Bachelor is not allowed to say I LOVE YOU before the final rose ceremony, in fear of giving the outcome away. This is the closest I’ve ever heard someone come to saying that. We know she’s choosing him.

The next day, Ali proves to be a class act, by telling Chris that she is in love with someone else (Hmm… I wonder who) and that she can’t put him through the ceremony. CLASS ACT. I give Ali so much credit. The fact that she saved Chris from ring shopping and thinking he was going to propose, that’s awesome. This was the best break-up in Bachelor history.

Chris is the best. He takes it like such a gentlemen, wishes her the best and thanks her for what she did. He deserves the most perfect girl in the whole universe. I’m already taken, so the runner up….

Sidenote: I’m crying again.

The rainbow appears. Now I’m sobbing.

Anyone thinking that Chris and Tenley would make a good couple?

Roberto meets with Neil Lane and picks a BEAUTIFUL ring. Best finale ring I’ve seen in a while. We finally get the “token shower shot” of Roberto… we knew that had to come.

Ali’s buggin. She only has ONE guy to potentially propose to her today. She’s putting all of her eggs in one basket.

Roberto tells Ali that he wants to grow old with her. I cry again. THIS GETS ME EVERYTIME! Ali laughs and laughs, and I just keep crying. THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL!

Cue the Lion King music! Genius. SO much better than “On the wings of love…”

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE!

Ali looks great and thin. Maybe I’m taking note of it because every tabloid magazine has told us how Ali lost 15 lbs post-filming… who knows. I guess while virtually dating Roberto across the country, she had a lot of time to work out.

This whole thing was pretty boring. Chris, again, proves to be a complete gentleman. They all talk about the rainbow, I sob a lot. Weeping.

Roberto and Ali seem genuine. There weren’t too many cheese-ass comments about fate and what-not and they seemed surprised that they found love on a reality TV show too.

On the next Bachelor… I guess I’ll root for Chris. It scares me because I want him to find normal love and be happy, BUT if he’d be happy as the Bachelor, I’d be happy.

Thanks for reading my blog this season! It’s been a blast. Come back next Monday for THE BACHELOR PAD! I’m sure it’ll provide tons of retardation and stupidity for writing. Lots of content!

It's Craig's fraternity and Justin is NOT invited! THE MEN TELL ALL.

I never look forward to the “Men/Women Tell All” episode because it’s never exciting and the key players usually don’t show up. This time was no different… thank god for DVR!

Ali sits down with Harrison for some 1-on-1 conversation and man is she blinging! I’m all for the sequins, but dress, headband, AND earrings? Are we at a 2nd graders dress-up birthday party or on national television? They look back at the season. I take a pita chip & hummus break.

Ali talks about not remembering dressing up like an astronaut with Kasey. Proof that Ali drank herself into a stuper to avoid speaking to Kasey on their dates. I also notice that she has light blue gum in her mouth – C’mon Ali! Take this seriously. I think it’s Winterfresh… just sayin.

It’s time to chat with the men. Who knew that Chris N. spoke? We hear more from him than we did the entire season. Craig R. is no longer “Mr. Potatohead,” now he’s “Chatty Kathy.” Kasey is back in action… I almost forgot how hard it was to understand him. And it wasn’t the wine… at this point I’m only on my first glass.

Hello Weatherman! Man how I have missed you. When he left, my blog got less funny. He is full of substance. Jonathan calls Ali mystical. His unicorn is waiting outside to give him a ride home…. Hopefully the taping is done by midnight or it’ll turn into a pumpkin!

My favorite thing about the whole night is the overwhelming bromance between the men. It’s like a big frat house and Craig R. is the president. You can immediately tell who is BFF’s with each other and who might be the outcasts (coughcough.. Jonathan).

Ty does an overall good job portraying himself throughout the night… classy and smart, not annoying. Craig R. did also. I like him more now that I know we have REAL common friends on Facebook. I say REAL because most of our common friends are other Bachelor/ette contests, and let’s be serious… As much as I think they’re my friends, they are not.

Kasey sits in the hot seat and I remember how much humor he brought the show. Jump in my heart… stay a while. Hands down my favorite line of this season. When he sang to Ali I actually laughed out loud. I’m happy that he knows what a fool he was on the show and owns up to it. It takes away a lot of the creep factor.

By the way, check out Kasey circa two years ago. Someone jumped on the frosted tips train...

Kirk sits down for his 1-on-1 time and I think he’s drunk or maybe took a few pills before the taping. OR he’s really hurt by Ali. But I doubt that. If I were him, I’d be pissed too. Frank ruined his trip to Tahiti! That’s worth a lot of monies.

I had no interest in listening to the guys bash Justin. It’s a reality show. There is always a token douchebag. Deal with it. You’re men. Craig, the fraternity president, makes it clear that he’s speaking on behalf of all of the men when he says that Justin has been blackballed from the frat. TAKE THAT RATED R!

Jessie, that random girl from Jake’s season, comes back… but only to let us know that she did what she did to guard and protect Ali’s heart. Ugh, Jessie… that’s Kasey’s role.

Ali’s hair is a HOT MESS. The women in the audience are whack. The blooper real is great.

And the best line of the night goes to Chris L. as usual, “We’re in Turkey and there’s nothing else to do but make people piss their pants.”

Okay, so we only have one week left. I don’t know about you, but I’m a little sad. If The Bachelor Pad wasn’t starting soon, you might find me in some sort of Reality Rehab. Don’t tell anyone.

I haven’t watched the 20/20 special yet because I’m trying to not let television consume my entire life. Keyword: trying. I heard it was weak, but I’ll post my thoughts once I do.

What do you think is going to happen next week? Will Ali pick Chris or Roberto? Or no one? Leave some love in the comments section!

I started a second blog – a little more professional – about food reality television. You can check it out here: http://blog.nj.com/food_tv/index.html. If you like show’s like Top Chef and Next Food Network Star, this is for you. If not, maybe you could still click it once to help with my click thru numbers. I mean, for support!