Tell me more about embalming...

We’re about halfway through the season. I can’t even remember which episode this one is. All I know is it’s going to be dramatic. The show starts off with the ladies finding out they’re going to Vegas. Michelle is sporting a small CD on her hand… I guess that’s a ring? The girls travel to Vegas and I actually have to admit, I’m surprised how casual they are for flying. I expected stilettos.

Shawntel gets the first date card, “Let’s end tonight with a bang!” Sounds like another movie making date… Shawntel sees Brad and runs into his arms. I call this “The Jillian.” That was the highlight of her season. Shawntel’s shopping spree is the best date I’ve ever seen on the show. Ever. Screw all these adventure dates… Let me take home thousands of dollars in merchandise. That sure beats a fiancé!

During their date, Brad thinks Shawntel is really stylish. No, that’s not style. That’s what happens when you let a skinny girl into a store like Fendi. Anyone will look stylish. Back at the suite, the girls are more jealous of the shopping spree than they’d be if Brad proposed to her.

Brad takes Shawntel to the roof and shows her what Vegas is really like. No Shawntel, take 15 Patron shots and then you’ll see the city like most people do. At dinner, she explains what her career entails. I’m hungry! Time to check on my dinner. At the suite, the other ladies are stealing Shawntel’s clothes. They get startled when the fireworks go off, but then they realize that means they have another 20 minutes at least.

Time for the much anticipated NASCAR date. Britt is wearing some heinous neon yellow outfit and Lisa needs keratin treatment. Whoa! Lisa speaks.

Brad seemed very genuine when he had his alone time with Emily. I like that he offered to end the date and leave if she was uncomfortable. Stand up guy. Even Michelle is tearing up! And smiling! Gosh jolly.

NASCAR date ends and guess where we’re going? A pool party! Alli decides to show her true colors here. Is bitch a color? “Someone comes in with the worst story and gets the most attention.” Yes Alli, that’s how it works. Don’t you watch Reality TV? Maybe if you weren’t so awful, he’d pay attention to you too. She lets Brad know that it’s hard to feel special. Well, maybe you aren’t special.

Michelle lets us know, again, that she is a woman. And everyone else is a girl.

The BFF’s are ready for their double date with Brad. They walk in unison to go meet their man. Literally, left… right… left… right. If you didn’t pick up on this, go back to your DVR. Spivey lets us know that she’s also battling a lot of inner demons today. Eek. Calm down Spivey! This is no way to start a date.

Sure enough, Brad sends Spivey home. Now she’s battling inner and outer demons. Okay truthfully, I feel to bad to make fun of Spivey. She’s adorable, and watching her leaving sad… it made me sad.

Brad and Hebert take the stage, guyliner and all. They dance to “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” while Spivey gets driven away in the limo. How symbolic! Hebert and Brad hold hands for their big moment. And we get a close up of Brad’s package in a harness.

Later on, Brad consults with his Therapist / Life Coach. Maybe Brad just doesn’t have any friends. I’d call my friends. Brad calls his Life Coach. I get it now.

It’s cocktail party time. Brad brings Alli a special gift to make her feel special. I hope it tasted like crap. Little does Alli know that Brad doesn’t even know what she wore the first night, the producers made him do this.

Marissa and Brad speak for the first time tonight! She gives him a gift of notes. It’s actually just little bits of information on her, so he can try to remember who she might be.

Then Michelle pulls him away. She closes the door and tells him it’s time for a black eye. Who knows… I do not understand one thing she said to him.

Marissa and Lisa get no roses and I must say, they’re crying quite a lot for having spoken to Brad once each.

Okay, let’s hear it. Is Chantal starting to annoy you? Would you be sick of the attention Emily’s getting? Do you still love her? Let me know what you think! Looking forward to hearing from everyone.