THERAPY WITH BRAD WOMACK - THE BACHELOR

So glad to be back! I've missed this blog...

Off to another season of bikinis, heartbreak and journeys. Luckily, this season will feature a new specialty – THERAPY. We kick off the episode with our usual male montage – abs, shower scene and extensive topless workouts.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see Brad’s first season of The Bachelor, so I’m not AS sick of seeing him dump Jenni and Deanna as most. But seriously, this is absurd. We’ve all seen it multiple times. No more.

We get to meet a few of the girls. Initial thoughts:

1. Ashley H is a dentist. She also needs new eyebrows and dances in her underwear.
2. It’s a good thing they aren’t posting the ages this season. Ashley S. is 17 and just got her GED. She’ll be 18 and legal just in time for the Fantasy Suites.
3. Chantal seems normal. She works for her Dad and is divorced. Do I see a Daddy’s brat here? Vienna Part II?
4. Rachel is a manscaper. She waxes. Maybe she could meet Ashley H. who needs a good eyebrow waxer?
5. Meghan, one of our worst dressed ladies, is in fashion. Go figure!
6. And Madison, well her audition tape for Twilight: Eclipse was accidently mailed to ABC The Bachelor. And the rest is history.
7. We’re introduced to Emily from North Carolina. Emily’s story has now reached into the hearts of the entire audience and she’s our new fan favorite. Hello: Kiptyn, Tenley, Deanna, Chris L … welcome Emily to the Fan Fav club!

Brad and Chris Harrison sit down for their 1-on-1 before the women arrive and Brad continues to talk about his issues and therapy sessions. Note to Brad: Brad, you do not have any issues for not proposing to someone that you knew for 6 weeks while dating 25 women. This is normal. You should sue ABC to reimburse you for all of your therapy sessions.

SHOCKER! Deanna and Jenni are here. This is the 7^th and final step in Brad’s recovery process. He must face the music. Nice to see our girl Deanna, but c’mon, b-o-r-i-n-g.

Limo time! My impressions…

1. First up, Chantal – ROCKIN’ those pit stains. My kinda girl! Someone obviously paid her to slap him. Not so shocking once we’ve seen it previewed daily on ABC.
2. Kimberly – You can’t do sparkles AND cleavage. Pick one. You’re annoying me before you even speak.
3. Ashley S – You’re definitely younger than me. Could Brad technically be your Dad? Yes.
4. Meghan – Again, our fashion girl with a big fashion faux pas. Ditch the shoes.
5. Lisa – Not sure how I feel about your ruby red shoes, but the self tanner explosion is definitely unfortunate.
6. J – Use your full name. Is it Jennifer? Don’t be ashamed about having the most generic name next to Mike and Chris. Embrace it.
7. Keltie – The Rockette on crack.
8. Emily – Someone get Brad a defibrillator. He might have stopped breathing.
9. Britt – Hi Britt. Meet Michelle. She’s a hairdresser and should help you.

This is the most boring first night cocktail party ever. No wasted girls. No “Who Is Here For The Wrong Reason?” box. All we hear about was Brad defending his decision to not propose to someone he didn’t love. Note to girls: If you have a brain, you should be happy that Brad will not propose for the sake of TV. This is called honorable. Google it.

Brad talks a lot about his intensive/extensive therapy. How intensive was it Brad? What does that really mean?

Memorable moments:

1. Brad really enjoys his time with Ashley S. She doesn’t care about his past because she was in junior high school and couldn’t watch the season yet.
2. Manscaper puts her gloves on and gets ready for a prostate. Oh, sorry, she’s just waxing his wrist.
3. Jackie pulls the token “make up a song card,” but unfortunately it’s not as serious and amusing as last season’s Kasey.
4. Renee and Alli with the big butt play the stealing game. You both lose. Crazy bitches never win.
5. Watching Renee’s 1-on-1’s get cut in on is hysterical.
6. Brad’s time with Emily is different than most. He’s much more focused on her and wondering about every single word coming out of her mouth.
7. Brad is MAD about Vampire’s fangs. He’s questioning if she is here for the right reasons or if she sent her tape to the wrong ABC show instead.
8. Brad spends some time with Michelle the hairdresser. Michelle is a woman, not a girl. If you didn’t know. She’s not a little girl. She has a little girl, but she is NOT a little girl. Did you get that?

Brad gives the first impression rose to his daughter, Ashley S.

Rose ceremony wasn’t very surprising. You knew he’d keep some weirdos like Vampire & Big Booty Alli. Anyone notice that the girls that get kicked off first are always the cockiest? And always have the best personalities.

Also, is Emily wearing her engagement ring still? Anyone catch that?

The season preview looks great. I hope it gets a little funnier and less “intensive therapy” focused because I need some good laughs. Right now it’s like watching Sober Sally.

So – Who is your early favorite? Who needs to go? Leave me your thoughts and any suggestions for this season! Looking forward to blogging every week!