Get your panties out of a bundle.

I’m a day late watching this week’s episode. Last week I had dinner at my mom’s house and when I told my best friend how upset I was that I had to miss the episode, she said, “Well Jen, sometimes life gets in the way.” Or something to that nature. Regardless, I thought about the show all day, rushed home to watch it, and missed a few different evening plans to do this. Dedication.

Frank the Energy Tank gets this week’s first date and boy golly is he excited! Ali is obviously wearing her Converse sneakers – great product placement by them – and YELLOW, which we all are fully aware is her favorite color. Ali picks up Frank and like clockwork, most of the Bachelors have no shirt on. Justin “Rated-R” is wearing man-pris. If you don’t know what man-pris are, they’re capris for men. Similar to a man purse. I don’t approve, especially white ones.

When Frank and Ali broke down on the highway a few thoughts when through my head – 1. How funny would it have been if Jake showed up in a mechanic outfit ready to fix the car? Then went on about how happy he is for Ali and how much he loves Vienna, blah blah… 2. I’m SURE you had to take a cab. Couldn’t you hitch a ride with the film crew?

They arrive on Hollywood Blvd. and as Ali puts it, “Where else do you go in LA?” Well Ali, I’ve only been to LA once and Hollywood Blvd. is like Times Square. It’s fun for about 30 seconds, then you are harassed by tour vans, people in costume, etc. I could think of much better places to go with ABC’s budget, like THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN!

Frank and Ali’s date was cute. He gets the first kiss. They look like they’re in a modern version of Grease – leather jacket, convertible, etc. The date was white rice in my book.

Back at the Bachelor pad, we see Craig The DBag starting to be the house bully. He’s making fun of Jesse’s tattoos, which we haven’t seen yet, so we know they must be intense. My two favorites Chris L and Roberto both mention that they won’t get involved with the drama because they aren’t here for that. Well played boys.

The group beach date was pretty entertaining. Ali looked very hippy meets beach chic, while the boys looked very douche-tastic. We learn that Justin shaves his chest here as well. This is a great date for Ali – She gets to watch these guys make fools of themselves while she throws back a few beers. Sounds great. Jonathan is SO self conscious. I noticed this before, but it really showed in this episode with the Speedo saga. Craig R (Mr. Potatohead) has cheese nips.

At the after party, Ty drops the divorce bomb and Ali’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of her head. I was shocked that he got a rose, because she looked like she sharted when he told her that.

Jonathan the Weatherman begins to remind me more and more of Jake. He’s so annoying, blabbing on about who is there for the right reasons. Now, I agree that Craig the DBag is a d-bag, heck I even named him Craig the DBag, but he is funny. Didn’t Jonathan ever learn that when people make fun of you, if you ignore them, they will stop? LET IT GO. Instead, Jonathan gets his panties in a bundle and cries the whole episode to Ali. I’m over it and wish she sent them both packing to Crybaby Island.

I was surprised that Jesse got the 1-on-1 date. Ali’s hair finally looked great for a few minutes – Kudos to ABC Hair & Makeup. This date was pretty ridiculous – private jet, private pool, Ferrari, suite, and concert? Don’t mind if I do. We are introduced to Jesse’s tattoos – YIKES #hatethem. I feel for Jesse because he is young and very naive, but him and Ali don’t have much in common. I’m happy she is keeping him a little longer, but there was no substance on this date.

Cocktail party was dominated by Crybaby 1 and Crybaby 2 – formerly known as Craig the DBag and the Weatherman. We got a little time for Roberto and Chris L. which was great since they got jipped out of dates. We also got a few minutes with Kasey. Hey ABC – Can you please throw in some subtitles? It’s nearly impossible to understand this guy.

Is Jonathan drinking Hi-C? Hawaiian punch? What’s up with that?

All in all – boring episode. I need more spice. This was a little bland. Luckily Craig is gone and will stop bullying Jonathan and he can stop crying like a little girl.

Until next week.