Don't you know about Bed Bugs?!?!?!

Bachelorette - Episode 1

And…. We’re off! The Bachelorette has premiered and there is so much to discuss. I read that last night’s premiere had the lowest Bachelorette premiere ratings yet, kind of sad. I think Ali has potential to be very likeable in America’s eyes, but she can be a little bland, so I hope people don’t get bored with her. Luckily, we have some real characters in the men! Or as Rated-R would say, “Some jabronis!” Pete and I coined that term, so I’m a little ticked that he stole it from us, but he does get a few cool points for using it properly.

The show kicked off with our typical “get to know Ali” montage. I’m SO sick of seeing her leaving Jake’s season, but I know that last night was just the beginning. And I’m still bothered by her ponytail on departure night. I wrote down how excited I was that they weren’t showing Ali in a bikini – we saw way too much last season with Jake showering, and before that, way too many shots of Jillian splashing around on the beach with itsy bitsy bikinis on – but I spoke too soon, they gave us a bikini shot. At least she had a cover-up on as well. Then, my jaw dropped. ALI PUT HER SUITCASE ON THE BACHELORETTE BED TO UNPACK! DIDN’T ALI’S MOM TEACH HER ABOUT BEDBUGS?!?! I shrieked. Thank you Mom for teaching me this early on in life.

Then we moved on to the men.

First we met Frank. I’m going to call him Frank the Energy Tank. He was straight up giving me anxiety. He’s already in love with Ali, jumping around like a jellybean. I don’t hate Frank, but I want him to calm down. Otherwise, I’ll hate him soon.

Craig M. can be called our token tool. If you’re unsure who Craig M. is, since we have two Craig’s, he is the one with the wannabe Patrick Demsey hair-do and the clown tie.

Next up, we get to meet Justin, the entertainment wrestler, also known as Rated-R. I have a feeling he is going to be much more offensive as the season progresses, but for now he is alright.

Ty is filling two “token” roles this season – the token guitar player and token divorcee. Do we have a token father yet?

Another immediate loser – Derrick, not to be confused with Derek. Derrick is also known as SHOOTER. Derrick, you should shoot yourself for telling Ali and all of America what that nickname meant. As he left tonight, he admitted that he thought it would be funny, but obviously didn’t work. Derrick – those types of jokes are only funny when you’re chugging beers with the guys. Never with a girl. Derrick has joined Channy and her landing strip in the “Worst first night lines ever” Hall of Fame.

John C. has a weird eyebrow thing going on. I’ve heard from a few people that he looks like Pee Wee Herman. Since John is one of multiple John’s, he will now be called Pee Wee.

Chris L. will be named Cape Chris, as he is from Cape Cod. Cape Chris took care of his mom while she was sick and unfortunately, she passed away. I have a suspicion that him and Ali will bond over this. She similarly took care of her grandmother and I think will appreciate his sincerity.

The limos arrive…

The limos arrive and Ali is quite nervous. She looked pretty, but in comparison to past Bachelorettes, a little boring. Am I right? Remember how stunning Deanna looked in that gold dress? ABC Hair & Makeup needs to step it up.

The first guy out of the limo is Chris H., who gives slight hope to all Canadians. He’s leaps and bounds better than Token Tool Craig & Rated R.

Jesse, the “Peculiar Man” seems like a solid. I thought the Peculiar comment was funny, yet not over the top.

Obviously Frank the Energy Tank jumps off the roof of the limo. Did you expect anything less?

We then meet Kasey, who decides to spill his heart out immediately and bring Ali to almost tears. Kasey’s voice is seriously weird. He might need subtitles if he sticks around.

Kyle the outdoorsman – You stole my fishing dance move from middle school and I’d like it back. This was my favorite dance move and I might have pictures to prove it.

Tyler M. – WHY on earth did you think that Ali wore cowboy boots with her yellow gown? In the words of Bruno – Nish nish!!!

Once we get inside:

Hunter – I liked the song. I appreciated that he wasn’t trying to be serious and sentimental. He also gave me a good laugh when he told Ali that he needed to get inside to pee and later calling Roberto’s dance the “Hot Sauce Samba.” He’s pretty funny, although I think his ears might be part of his eventual demise.

I didn’t hate Kirk’s scrapbook idea as much as I thought I would. He kept it light and unstalkerish.

I see Jonathan the Weatherman as very self conscious. He seemed to be over compensating the entire night and trying very hard.

One of my biggest pet peeves of the night was Craig R. “Mr. Potatohead” and his attempt to “warn” Ali about guys not being there for the right reason. REALLY? ALREADY?! CALM DOWN! It’s night 1. You’ll have your time to be a tattletale later on in the season.

I was thrilled that Roberto got the first impression rose, and not at all surprised. Usually the salsa move would’ve annoyed me, but it didn’t. I’d like to see a Jake v. Roberto showdown. I think Roberto would win, and Jake would cry.

Cape Chris really impressed me during his one-on-one time with Ali. I usually get annoyed when people withhold information/lie about it – i.e. Tenley being married before, Jason having a son, etc. But, those people did it to avoid early judgment I think. They didn’t want Deanna/Jake to be turned off to a single dad or divorcee, so they waited. Chris L. didn’t want the sympathy card and there is no reason to get that heavy on Night 1. BIG props to Cape Chris.

Rose Ceremony

Nothing crazy here. As much as I would never have chosen Mr. Potatohead, Token Tool Craig, or Kasey with the weird voice, but that’s why I’m not the Bachelorette.



The upcoming scenes look great! Ali really lucked out on her travel plans for the season. Trista, Deanna and Bob Guiney were all tweeting last night about how jealous they were that they didn’t get that experience on their seasons.

What do you think? Who are your early favorites? Least favorites? Since my blog is so new, please help spread the word! Share it with your friends. I’d also love your feedback – criticism welcome!!!!