It's just too little too late.

I watched this week’s episode in the company of my three best friends and two of their siblings. I love them all dearly, but if I missed any key douchetastic remarks, it is all their fault. Blame those little nuggets. Except Jesse. Watching The Bachelorette with a guy is great. You can always count of them for great comments – i.e. Jesse liking Mr. Potatohead because he carries around a champagne bottle and is drunk. Solid reasoning.

For someone who doesn’t like to fly, Ali is sure flying a lot. Why not a boat or something ABC? The girl is scared. Roberto’s date was pretty spot on and perfect. The past two seasons, they’ve picked the person that went on the adventure date – Jilly chose Ed, Jake chose Vienna… Could this be a pattern? Biggest downfall of the date – When the words “Are you ready to fall for me?” were spoken. Cheesefest. I marfed. For those that don’t know about marfing, it’s mouth barfing. Live it, learn it, love it. Ali drinks enough on the date to say beso about 17 times.

We get some nice shots of the guys at the Bachelor Pad. Jonathan – News Flash: White Oakley-esque sunglasses went out in the 90’s with Jake’s pooka shell necklace. Retire those.

Group date time! Cape Chris is debuting his Periodic Table of Elements Shirt that we saw in his ABC photo shoot – nicely played. The boys get to see the Barenaked Ladies play live and we get to see a real awkward dance party. I’m gonna bet $5 that no one was comfortable in that situation.

The music video was beyond absurd. We get an up-the-short shot of Frank at one point. That was weird. Jonathan nears pansy panic attack status at the thought of kissing Ali. I’m not sure where Jonathan’s manhood went, but he should probably ask for it back. The best moment for sure was PeeWee getting shot down in the bathtub. No, wait, I lied. It’s when Cape Chris states, “It’s a big day for the little man.” Oh Cape Chris, you’re so witty! Next season, will you guest blog?

Kirk goes in for the kill with Ali’s tonsils and Frank the Energy Tank is officially deflated. Hey Frank – You know you signed up for the Bachelorette, right? Yes, it’s that show with 24 OTHER guys and 1 girl. No, Ali isn’t your girlfriend. Get a grip.

At the Coors Light sponsored wrap party, Cape Chris tells Ali about his mom and America falls in love with Cape Chris a little more. Jonathan has significantly weird 1-on-1 time and might have shart himself at one point until Mr. Potatohead interrupts.

We get to watch the RIDICULOUSLY LAME music video. I think the song should be titled, “How to be a hooker.” It’s almost as good as “Money Can’t Buy You Class” by LuAnn on the Housewives of New York. If you have a few minutes and are interested in peeing your pants, click here.

Rated-R hobbles down to Ali’s mansion, the moment we’ve been waiting for in the previews. He probably should’ve hitchhiked or something. At least she drove him home. She’s so sweet.

Meanwhile, poor Hunter is gearing up for the most awkward date of his life. Mr. Potatohead is drinking his worries away, walking around with his champagne bottle.

Hunter’s date was pretty much awful. Great move by ABC – save the fancy date money and score dinner for the staff – smart one. Why waste the good date on Mr. Mom? Ali and Hunter also drink coke or something… another clear sign this date is doomed. Ali is much more fun after 5 Pinot’s. If you’d like more details on Hunter & Ali’s date, visit awkwardmoments.com. After Ali denies the rose, Hunter asks if there is anything he could do to change her mind. Well Hunter, in the words of JoJo – It’s just too little too late.

At the cocktail party, Steve makes an attempt at redemption by setting up a picnic on the pavement, only to be mortified by not being able to open champagne. Jesse commits a huge fashion no-no… denim on denim?! They’re the exact same shade. Don’t they teach you this in Peculiar?

We don’t hear much from crybaby Jonathan which is surprising. He’s in the corner, drinking his Hi-C. He’ll probably call Jake after the rose ceremony to get tips on how to be the biggest tool in Bachelor history. They’re neck in neck.

At the end, we lose Pee Wee and Steve. No big loss. Until next time…