Peace out Bentley!

I walked away from last night’s train wreck feeling bad for so many people.

1. Ashley – Because she has to watch herself claiming to be in love with someone after knowing them for a hot second, and realizing that he is a giant asshole.
2. Jeff – Just because. How could you not feel bad for him?
3. William – Although he got a rose, there is no chance that Ashley is going to end up with him after he made her cry and crushed her self confidence to smithereens.
4. JP – He got shafted with that post-Bentley date.
5. And lastly… Bentley… Bentley who will not get laid for a very, very long time. And will go down in history as the biggest piece of shit in Bachelor/ette history. Congrats!

Last night’s episode started off with Bency (Yes, that’s Ben C. combined – Thanks to Ashley Spivey for the abbreviation) receiving a date card – Love strikes in a flash! This already sounds perfect for our mushy gushy friend Bency. We’ve already learned that he wants a fairytale romance and loves love. Even though this date is right up Bency’s alley, I can’t help but wish Ashley gave Bentley this one-on-one. Imagine how uncomfortable, unenthusiastic, and obnoxious Bentley would have been! Maybe Ashley would have seen what a douche he was a little sooner.

Time for the flash mob! Luckily, Ashley gives us a full description of what a flash mob is… And in case you missed it, Wikipedia says that a flash mob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment and/or satire. You could also describe this as the stupidest date ever. Or was that the fake wedding last week? Get it together, ABC. Watching Bency dance and sing to “girls around me they be acting like they drunk” is quite comical and I give him a lot of credit for his enthusiasm. I’m going to take a wild guess that Bency jams out on the regular to “Like a G6” on his iPod.

Later that night, Bency and Ashley have a nice rooftop dinner. Before dinner, Bency stole Ames’ Yale uniform and chugged a few red bulls. He is rip-roaring through this dinner! Could he have spoken any faster? I actually got concerned that my TV might have been on fast forward. Poor Bency… He wants to live in a love bubble and thinks love is a fairytale. He should probably get a job at Disney and find Cinderella, because that shit doesn’t happen in real life. The date was nice, but c’mon, no sparkles.

Before the group date starts, Jeff is ready for the big reveal. Cue the funeral music! The mask comes off… “Hi, I’m Jeff.” AWKWARD. This moment was such a letdown. I was really hoping that Jeff had developed a gruesome post-mask rash on his face, or at least a serious tan line, but no. Nothing.

Time for the roast of Ashley! I wish Jeffrey Ross just performed the whole time, because the guys were painful to watch. Ames had serious odgeda because he has no idea how to be funny. They did not teach this in prep school. He lets us know that he’s the furthest thing from a comedian. Yes, we know Ames. You seem like the most uptight, stick in your ass person to ever grace this show. Good luck! On the other hand, William is ready to bring his A game! This should be interesting.

Okay, maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I’m a hard ass, but I didn’t think William’s roast was THAT BAD. The whole point of the night was to roast Ashley, and everyone else avoided that and beat around the bush. She shouldn’t have agreed to be roasted if she couldn’t handle it. Hasn’t she watched one of these before? You need a tough skin sister!

This date turns super uncomfortable and Bad News Bentley strikes again. All of the guys try to make Ashley feel better. Masked Jeff even talks about his three legged dog. Quite uplifting! Ryan makes out with Ashley. And thank god, that gains him a rose. I really thought she was giving it to Bentley.

The next day, Bentley decides to leave. Apparently Ashley is an ugly duckling and he’s over it. If she’s an ugly duckling, I don’t even want to imagine what he’d call me. Masked Jeff is very concerned about Bentley leaving… How cute is Masked Jeff! Maybe him and Bentley could date.

Ashley knows that Bentley is THE ONE, so this is going to be hard on her. How in the world could he be THE ONE? They haven’t even gone on one date. Bentley’s exit is completely manipulative. He turns the entire thing around and breaks her little heart. He’s a total pig. He leaves and Ashley breaks down. All I can focus on is how unfortunate looking her bed linens are. They remind me of something we’d see on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

All I’m hoping is that Ashley is back to normal for her date with JP. Nope! Although I loved the pajama party, JP really got the short end of the stick. And how did JP know to bring pajamas? Maybe he brought them just in case Ashley asked him to sleepover… Smart cookie! All I wish is that Ashley would stop talking about Bentley, William and the other nerds and enjoy JP. I also wish that we got to see more of this date because JP is clearly my favorite. Ugh! At least he got a rose and won in the kissing department.

Ashley calls off the rose ceremony because she is emotionally drained. Thank god, because I left my sunglasses in the car and her outfit is blinding me. Overkill. You do not need accessories with that dress, let alone an 800 lb. jeweled necklace.

No surprises at the rose ceremony, although I would have sent Ames home solely based on his decision to wear that shirt. And I feel weirdly bad for Masked Jeff and hope he finds love somewhere. I can’t believe he burned his mask… That would have brought it a lot of cash on Ebay.

Okay, so what’d you think of this CRAZY DRAMATIC MUCH ANTICIPATED episode? Are you still on Team William? Or have we all jumped onto the JP Train? Leave some comments!