You'd rather swim in pee?!

Going into Week 2 of The Bachelorette, the overall feedback that I received was Team William and Team Ryan P. After last night, my guess is that we’re going to have a few people with a change of heart. We barely even saw Ryan, except for a few quick shots of him and his frosted tips.

Chris Harrison showed up at the mansion, armed with the first one on one date card. I love when we first get to see the guys dressed down. Suits are nice, but I like to see who dresses like a complete tool when just lounging around the house. Unfortunately, no one stood out as offensive to me. With no surprise, the first one on one date went to William. Moments later, Ashley shows up in a sweet ride to pick him up for their trip to Vegas. I have to say, Ashley is looking phenomenal. Although I hated that little white dress (Something I might have worn to my 8^th grade graduation), she rocked it.

Ames and I are clearly on the same page. We were both very concerned about Jeff’s mask. Isn’t he sweating? It’s so hot out! Why not a white mask? Or something thinner? Perhaps cotton? I wonder if he’ll get tan lines. Kudos to Ames for bringing up my concerns.

William and Ashley arrive in Vegas to photographs being taken of them left and right. Of course the first tourist we see taking a picture of them is Asian. Stereotypical, ABC. Nice work! They begin one of the weirdest dates in Bachelor/ette history – a fake wedding. C’mon ABC! Are you really out of great date ideas after 20 + seasons?

This was awkward and weird. It really helped showcase how timid William is. I don’t see him ever wearing the pants in this relationship. Don’t take that the wrong way… Not talking about literal pants here. William is super nervous about marrying Ashley. 3 days is way too soon! 6 weeks… Not so much. But 3 days, yes. Did anyone else notice the tears in his eyes when they were fake marrying? The kid was literally scared shitless.

Next up, they get into the rowboat for their dinner and William asks Ashley to row. Of course… I bet that was a real turn on. Then one of them mentioned that millions of tourists come to Vegas to see the Bellagio fountain lightshow. No. That is not true. Millions of tourists go to Vegas to get wasted and make bad decisions. Sometimes they stumble upon the fountain lightshow… That’s all.

Dinner is nice. William talks about how he brings communication to people rather than saving lives and Ashley pretends that she’s impressed by his career. They share Daddy Issues. Rose. The end.

The group date card arrives and my first observation is that besides Masked Jeff, a really solid group of four guys aren’t on this group date. My best guess is that she’s confident in Mickey, JP, Ryan and Ben C, so she is first going to weed out the losers.

The group date begins in Vegas and Ashley is dressed up as a pin-up girl. Immediately when I saw the Jabbawockeez dancing I thought, “How rude! A date with masks and Jeff wasn’t invited?!” I guess things could have gotten complicated. Would he have worn his mask? Theirs? Both? Maybe it’s better that he wasn’t invited.

I really don’t like this date. Ashley starts it off with a creepy little dance. Then the guys split into two teams. Bentley is being a bully. West, Stephen and Ben C. are stepping up their games. And Ames is rocking an intense shade of self tanner on his face. I honestly didn’t pay attention to anyone’s dance moves because I was too focused watching Ashley and her stomach. How do I get one of those?

That evening, even after West opens up to Ashley and wears his heart on his sleeve, Douchebag Bentley gets the rose. Maybe it was his nasty comment about tickling, or his blatant lack of interest in Ashley… Who knows. Either way, Ashley begged him to stick around. #pathetic

Ashley has JP and Mickey flip a coin for the final one on one date. I was really hoping that JP won… He may be my current favorite. Mickey wins and since the date is a few hours away in Vegas, he uses extra hair gel to make sure it holds up during the trip. These two decide to act like 5 year olds and flip a coin way too many times. I’m starting to get irritated. Mickey asks Ashley when she cried last… It’s been quite some time. Am I the only person that cries weekly? No worries! That will soon change because we all know that Bentley will make her cry on next week’s episode.

Ashley and Mickey have a nice date. I like Mickey, but I need a little more “umph” from him. I’m not seeing enough expression. I’d also like to steal his hair gel, but that’s more of a superficial problem. I didn’t expect the emotional story angle from Mickey, but we also learn that he’s an only child and his mom passed away 6 years ago. He gets a rose. I’m happy with this. Mickey seems like a decent guy. Much less douchetastic than I expected.

JP kicks off the rose ceremony by stealing Ashley, since he’s determined to get some alone time with her. Love his game with flipping the coin for a kiss! Although, that’s kind of Ashley and Mickey’s game. They may have trademarked it. Hopefully Mickey doesn’t find out.

William pulls the “stealing time when you already have a rose” move, which is always guaranteed to piss everyone off. He also continues to brag about their Bellagio date. William is losing seriously credibility in my book.

Bentley expresses that he would rather SWIM IN PEE that plan a wedding with Ashley. Ew. Ew. What is wrong with you? Who says things like that? Swim in pee? How about jump off a bridge? Or die? Swim in pee? Ew. I’m sure Ashley is cringing while she watches this episode back.

Not many surprises at the rose ceremony, except for Masked Jeff. Really?! He still hasn’t even shown you his face. This is getting weird.

So, two weeks down, who are your favorites? Do you want to jump through the television and punch Bentley? Leave some comments!