Erica Rose for President!

Everyone heads inside after the Rose Ceremony and recovers from Hurricane Melissa. Like Hurricane Irene, the bitch did tons of damage and left people stranded and confused. Although Blake’s teammate is gone, he’s pumped because he’s been trying to get with Holly since Day 1. They have great chemistry… Too bad for Michael Stag.

Chris Harrison comes in and announces that everyone needs to partner up. Erica and Blake realize that they’re each others only options and they’re ready to get to know each other. Erica thinks this will happen blindfolded with a few roofies, but Blake is thinking about playing 20 Questions. Little does Blake know, this is the best thing to ever happen to him – a BIG step up from Holly.

Everyone sits around and plays “Let’s get to know each other.” It’s the standard game I’ve played with any new boyfriends in my life… Icebreaker time! Kasey and Vienna don’t bother getting to know each other before the challenge because they’re good at everything. Just like Vienna was good at the bed challenge and the synchronized swimming contest. And then she lost both. Blake and Erica talk about flying squirrels and Blake says that both of his stepmom’s are named Karen? Did I hear correctly? His family seems almost as dysfunctional as mine does! Yeah!

Time for the challenge! Chris Harrison announces that the winning couples will get a very romantic 1-on-1 date. Kasey can smell it. What is this face? (Cringing)

This challenge is interesting. Most disturbing parts:

· Vienna needs to go on 22 dates before she has sex? Right. And I’m not obsessed with reality television.

· Kasey would be a rabbit in bed? TMI. I’m gagging.

· Vienna thinks that he ex’s miss her boobs the most? You should be proud.

· Holly wants to sleep with Blake and Michael wants to punch Blake in his perfect teeth.

· No one likes Blake.

· Thank god that Graham was lying about these 7’s because he’s definitely had more than 7 partners. AND if he lost his virginity at 7, I’d call the po-lice.

Graham and Michelle win the “NearlyWed” game. Blake and Erica also get a date for coming in second place. At least Blake will get some ass before he’s sent packing!

The token Bachelor helicopter comes to pick up Graham and Michelle to whisk them away to Hot People Island, where we all wish we were granted admission. Kasey is super jealous and wishes he could go in the helicopter with Vienna, only to push her out the back door.

Back at the house, Vienna and Kasey air out their sex life in public…. One of those things I’d file as “Don’t bring up in the Bachelor Pad House on National TV,” but that’s just me. We were probably raised differently. Basically, Kasey has sexual frustration and Vienna isn’t willing to help him air it out. She’s worn out from sleeping with Wes Hayden and David Good before the show started. I bet both of them are hiding out tonight. Talk about embarrassing!

Back on Hot People Island, Michelle and Graham are screening some chick-flick in a hot tub. I’m ridiculously jealous. I’m jealous of her. I’m jealous of him. And I’m jealous of the hot tub.

Back at the mansion, Blake and Erica’s date card arrives. Their mission is romance. Anyone else not going to be surprised when Erica whips out a pair of handcuffs, roofies Blake and calls it a night? Her mission is to end up in the missionary position with Blake. God, I love her. What would this show be without Erica Rose? Sad and dramatic.

Tiaras on! Erica and Blake head to the Mission Inn spend the night chatting. Erica’s astrologer thinks she’ll be in the final two. Erica’s astrologer is also unemployed and homeless now. She then gives Blake’s thigh a vicious rash from rubbing it so harshly and focuses on his man jewels rather than learning about the history Mission Inn has to offer.

Erica really needs Blake in the mood, so she crushes up a few Xanex and sprinkles them in his champagne, just like pixy dust. Then she convinces Blake that because of her sexy lingerie, he needs to sleep with her and not go back to the mansion. Hopefully girls across America are currently taking notes on “Things Not To Do To A Man.” Although, I’m kind of wishing that Blake would sleep with her so that she’d shut up. (I planned to write that differently, but censored myself.)

The next morning, Erica and Blake ponder who to give the two extra roses to. Wait a minute – Did they have sex or not? They seem stressed. I’m guessing no. They finally decide to give the roses to Kasey and Vienna, because they’re apparently worthy. Blake and Erica’s deal is sealed.

Kasey and Vienna talk about what they’d do with the 250K if they won and he tells Vienna that no one needs to know his personal stuff. Right… Did that apply an hour ago when you were crying and bitching around the house about your non-existant sex life? Different?

Holly debates voting out Blake, but in the end, decides to spare Michael one less jab to the heart and lets Blake and Erica go. I’m REALLY going to miss Erica’s humor. No one will ever be as funny. The show will clearly lack humor.

So, we’re down to 4 couples – Who is your favorite for the win? Will you miss Erica so much also? Leave some comments!