We’ll address the second problematic outfit shortly. Moving on…
We kick off the episode with Ashley recapping her feelings on each of the remaining men and with Chris Harrison letting them know that four of them will be the “Fortunate Four.” Never heard that one before… What happened to Final Four?
Constantine gets the first 1-on-1 date. If I was Ryan, I’d be popping a Lexapro right about now. Ashley and Constantine board their train and I’m wondering if this could end up like Robby D. in Jillian’s season, where she kicked him off the train and left him on the side of the road. Luckily for Constantine, this was not an elimination/rose date. The two of them paint their love wishes on a lantern. I caught a glimpse of what they really said…
- Ashley’s: I hope that I can stop faking my affection for these other guys and just end up with JP soon.
- Constantine’s: I hope that my bromance with Ben lasts forever and forever. (BF + CT = Love 4EAE)
Ben gets the next date. Ryan is now overdosing on Lexapro, while JP is beginning his freakout session. Ashley and Ben ride on their mopeds around Taiwan and Ben thinks that it feels natural to have Ashley’s legs wrapped around him. Now we’re talkin!
Back at the hotel, Ryan gets his 1-on-1 date card and does some creepy elbow move to celebrate. WTF was that? Anyone have any explanations? Ryan has a “whole bunch of energy running through him and he can’t turn it off.” Jesus Christ Ryan, lay off the drugs! Watching him gives me severe anxiety.
Anyways, back on the date, Ben is totally confident that he’s getting a hometown date. I would be too if I was a winemaker. Ashley is obviously going to choose day of wine tasting rather than learning about solar powered energy. Ben also refers to love as the L-Bomb which scores major points in my book. He’s a nerd and I like it. I think they’re very cute together. If JP wasn’t on the show, Ben would probably have a good chance.
While getting ready for the group date, the guys realize that Ben hasn’t come home. JP is borderline raging and wants to kick Ben’s ass when he gets home. Ben managed to get right under JP’s skin when he got back, avoiding giving the guys any details of why he was gone overnight. I’m sure his beanie made it even more frustrating.
Time for another really stupid date by ABC – a wedding photo shoot! Why?! One of the best lines of the evening goes to JP for comparing Ames to an “offspring of an ostrich and Elton John.” Genius. This whole date is weird. JP looks great. Ames looks like a freak. And Lucas is in perfect character, looking uptight and kind of scary as usual.
The evening is just as awkward. Love Ashley’s green dress… or shirt… whichever it really is. Now it’s time for Ames’ second fashion offense…
What shade would you consider these pants? Washed too many times cherry red? Pepto? Magenta? Whatever they are… They are wrong.
FINALLY, Ryan gets his 1-on-1 date and his heart is beating out of his chest again. Oh man. The date starts out with another spiritual activity… throwing some rocks on the ground and hoping they come up opposites. I’m really sick of these mushy spiritual activities. Can we try something a little more raunchy? What happened to hot tub make out scenes? C’mon! I'm so ready for the Bachelor Pad.
Ryan goes on a tangent about heating water and Ashley knows they’re doomed. She’s not green, litters and leaves the faucet on while brushing her teeth. Time for Ryan to go home. But wait, don’t you feel bad for this face? He’s shocked! Sad! Heartbroken! BREAK OUT THE LEXAPRO! CALL THE ABC PSYCHOTHERAPIST! BRAD WOMACK – WHERE IS YOUR SHRINK? WE NEED HIM!
I will say that Ryan shouldn’t have been so surprised. They never had a 1-on-1 date until this point which is a clear sign. With that said, I still feel bad for him. He does not take it so well. His exit was pretty brutal to watch.
The rest of the episode is a bore. Ashley knows that she’s sending Lucas home so we’re able to skip over the cocktail party and make time for the Emily/Brad saga. Lucas goes home and I’m not sad. Kind of relieved, but I will say… He took it like a man and was a real gentleman. I've been pretty hard on Lucas this season... I doubt he'll become a fan of my blog.
I didn’t have time to watch the Emily confessions. I’m saving that for tonight! Which means, another blog post tomorrow! Hoorah!
So, which hometown date are you most excited for? Do you think Ryan has a shot at being the next Bachelor? Leave some comments!
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