Adios Bentley!

Welcome to Hong Kong! First order of business – Who noticed the rapid moving people behind Ashley as she stared up at the skyscrapers? Reminded me of Heroes or something. How Sci-Fi of the producers! Well, as expected, Chris Harrison pops into Ashleys room for a quick catch-up session and to let her know that Bentley is downstairs!

“SHUT UP!” Was that not the most fake “Shut up!” you’ve ever heard? I bet that was Take 16 of the Shut Up. The only thing that I’m grateful for is the fact that they put this Bentley shindig at the beginning of the episode. At least we get it over with.

As expected, Ashley heads down to Bentley’s room, 4315, and lingers outside of the door for a minute or so. Knock, you creeper! He’s going to see your feet. Ashley enters, not before giving Bentley a quick smooch, and the stupidest conversation in history begins. “So, what’s up? Fill me in!” Really? We’re really doing this? So annoying.

The whole scene is just irritating and I was glad when it ended. Adios Bentley! Hope you get plane-sick on the ride home.

Ashley’s first one on one date is with Lucas. Why?! Why would you not choose Blake? He seems so much less psychotic. And he has great teeth. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit through this date. Lucas scares me.

Okay, I was kind of wrong. Lucas grew on me slightly throughout the date. I don’t like him, but I will stop saying that he reminds me of a serial killer. Let’s get down to brass tacks here – No romance between these two. And Lucas is too Southern for Ashley. Lucas will not be getting on his knee to propose in a few weeks. I think that Ashley was just so relieved to be done with the Bentley situation that she had a good date because she was happy, not because she liked him.

Back at the hotel, shit is about the hit the fan. Partially because Blake and Ryan are livid that they aren’t getting the 1-on-1 date, and partially because I think JP pooped his pants when he realized he was getting a 2^nd 1-on-1 date before some guys got their 1^st. Either way, shit hits fan.

Time for the group date. Glad ABC planned something as ridiculous as dragon boat racing. If it wasn’t for Ben and Constantines hysterical comments and attire, this date could have put me to sleep. I’m going to take a guess and say that the guys would have much rather make out with Ashley in a hot tub than recruit Chinese people to be on their racing teams. Just a guess!

Constantine and Ben win this date. Their outfits were genius and some of the comments they made… I died. “Sheer pandemonium set in,” or “We’re getting smoked! Like salmon bro!” I would have taken the rose, chopped it in half and given it to both of them. Then I would have drowned Ryan’s giddy ass. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

On to another rooftop party. Ames is all hopped up and ready to seduce Ashley in the elevator. Where the hell did that come from? Someone had some liquid courage going on. This scene is so awkward and nothing close to hot. Their kiss looked painful… Far from the hot, steamy, elevator make-out that I was hoping for. Then Ashley makes out with Ben for a bit. And I really like Ben, but that kiss was just as lame. Stop pecking each other! Ashley gives the rose to Happy Ryan.

JP receives his date card. “Let’s take a peek into our future.” Definitely going to a peep show. Sweet! Damn it… I was wrong, no peep show. Instead we get another adorable and perfect date with Ashley and JP. No cheesy tourist activities, no harassing locals… Just a great dinner date! The night is going smoothly until Ashley wants to drop the Bentley bomb. She creates quite a build-up before breaking the news… I swore she was going to come out of the closet. Instead, she tells JP about the Bentley drama and he handles it like a man. Then they make out and sparks fly all over Hong Kong.

Ashley should probably just propose to JP on this date. Let’s get real. Their chemistry is light years ahead of the others. Is it even appropriate to continue the season like this? It’s kind of cruel.

Cocktail party time! Ashley’s dress is way too over the top for my liking. It’s distracting. She drops the Bentley bomb on the rest of the crew and unlike JP, they all get their panties in a big bundle. I guess I understand. She did lie. But, it’s a show. Chill out guys. Lucas is back to serial killer status, Constantine is pissed that this may interfere with his bromances, and Ames reminds us all that he went to the hospital for Ashley.

Oh wait… I spoke too soon. Ryan is not fazed! His heart didn’t even move a beat. That’s probably because his heartrate is at a consistent 180 resting. The guy is on speed and/or happy pills at all times.

Mickey is the most pissed. It’s partially because Ashley lied, but part of it is because she likes Ryan. The producers cut a lot of their conversation, but apparently the main reason that he left was because of Ryan. I’m torn on this because I understand being frustrated with another guy in the house, but everyone likes different people. I’m sad to see Mickey go, but really, he didn’t bring much to the table. And also, if he hadn’t left on his own, she would have sent him home.

Ashley has another meltdown. Does anyone have the number for Brad Womack’s therapist? I think we’re going to need him from here on out. Ashley needs some help and I don’t think Chris Harrison is cutting it.

Blake gets the boot and I feel bad for him. Blake seemed like a good catch and he didn’t even get a chance! She should have at least kept him over Lucas. At least we’ll see him on the Bachelor Pad!

Only 6 guys left! What do you think? Who are your favorites? Leave some comments!

ANTYHING Can Happen in Chiang Mai!

I’m about to call the producers over at ABC and tell them to re-evaluate their jobs. There is always a dramatic aspect to every season, always one person we can’t stand, but this Bentley situation… This is so far beyond annoying that it’s sucking the fun out of the show for me. And that is very, very hard to do. Luckily, we’re in Chiang Mai this week and ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN CHIANG MAI. Definitely one of the stupider things I heard this week. Of course anything can happen in Chiang Mai. Anything can happen anywhere. Ugh! The retarded quotes were at an all time high this episode.

Anything can happen this week – We could see a concussion from muay thai , two people could get sent home on a 2-on-1 date, and Ashley could beg Chris Harrison to bring back Bentley. Sure enough, all of those things happened! Go figure.

Ben F. gets the first date and I have to say, I think he’s close to perfect. I really wish Ashley would stop thanking Ben and the others for sticking around, for joining her on the dates, etc. It’s part of the damn show. Stop being so polite. Watching Ashley and Ben talk about how they want to kiss, but can’t, reminded me of Jake’s season when him and Nanny Elizabeth didn’t kiss at the amusement park. A little different – Elizabeth was playing the psychotic hard-to-get card, and this time the temple was holding them back, but nonetheless, similar.

Ben and Ashley’s evening date is beautiful. The producers get a few points for that floral arrangement on the floor… Absolutely gorgeous. Ben F. tells Ashley that he spends all day making wine. I on the other hand, spend all day thinking about wine. Basically, he’s living my dream. Ben is great – talking about having friends over to hang out and drink wine, how he wants to spoil someone – WINNER. And with no surprise, Ben gets a rose.

It’s time for the group date and what better activity than muay thai. Definitely a safe option! Ashley has pink boxing gloves like me! We’re twins! I, on the other hand, do not have that stomach to match. Buzzkill. Poor Ames… He’s never been in a fight in his life, BUT he could tell you the latitude and longitude of Chiang Mai! Does that count for anything?

Watching the guys battle was entertaining. My boyfriend even agreed to watch the show for a few minutes! SUCCESS! JP was the best person to watch… Talking about how a small Jew from Long Island beat Mickey the Irishman… Hysterical. Can JP get any better?

How fitting was it that Ames had the pink shorts? And how sad was it to watch him with his concussion? Although, you definitely laughed a little during the fight, right? Not just me? It’s pretty incredible that this guy is probably the most physically fit on the entire show (besides Nick the trainer) and he couldn’t hold his own during a muay thai match. He should stick with 100 mile marathons.

Sometimes I think Ashley isn’t nice enough. I’m sure she’s a good person, but wouldn’t you go with Ames to the hospital? Or at least give him the rose? Not judging, but c’mon! All I was really worried about was who won the heavyweight challenge? Apparently, it was Constantine, which kind of surprises me.

Ames is back! He’s clearly out of whack. Telling Ashley that the day was great? At least give him a kiss or something. A sympathy kiss. Please? Ashley and Blake have some bonding time. He lets her know that love is not a marathon, it’s a sprint. Who writes this shit? And that isn’t true, Blake. I’m so sick of these contestants talking about love being a marathon, taking your time, getting to know someone, love not being about winning – BULLSHIT. This is THE BACHELORETTE! It’s fast, rapid, fake and only about winning!

Ashley and Lucas play a little air golf. Confession: Lucas shares the shit out of me. I can’t put my finger on it but he seems like a potential serial killer. Maybe it’s the black eyes, or the creepy smile, but it’s killing me. Luckily, he doesn’t get the rose.

Time for the “dreaded 2-on-1 date.” As William would say, it’s the thunderdome date. Two men enter and one man leaves. William is also wasted waiting for his date. He keeps calling it “two dudes, one girl.” Sounds a lot like 2 girls, 1 cup. Don’t google that. Seriously, do not.

This whole date was bizarre. Ben C. is looking forward to getting himself on dating websites when he gets home? I think there are some missing pieces to this story. And Ashley believed William that quickly? I don’t buy it. The 1-on-1 part of this date is awkward… Clearly, Ashley still hates William for roasting her. She kicks him off too and he’s shattered. I actually feel bad for Ben C. and William… Really liked them both. William thinks that he is the world’s biggest jackass. He obviously does not realize that Bentley already holds that title. And of course, back at the mansion, Ryan is skipping around pushing William’s bags out the door.

Shocking: Sending two guys home brings in a whole new truckload of insecurities for Ashley. Exactly what we want to see! I’m getting tired of her insecurities. She’s smart, pretty and making a nice chunk of change to be on this show. As viewers, we do not feel bad for you.

Time for the cocktail party! In a nutshell, Constantine prefers the bromance over her, JP is confident and awesome, and Nick needs to get 6-8 hours of sleep because the bags under his eyes are just not going away. Then, Ashley talks to Chris Harrison and embarrasses herself a little bit more, begging for closure with Bentley. I wish Chris would just say – BENTLEY HATES YOU. GET OVER IT! But, he does not. Instead, he’ll play with her heartstrings a little more and bring Bentley back for Round 2.

Ashley sends Nick packing which isn’t a surprise and like usual, doesn’t even walk him out. Cold! Next week, we’ll see Ashley beg for Bentley back and probably consider throwing our wine glasses through the television set. No? Just me?

What’d you think of this week’s episode? Is JP still your favorite or are you about to jump on the Ben F. wine train? And did you notice the HYSTERICAL footage of William and Ben C. after the previews for next week? LOVED!