You'd rather swim in pee?!

Going into Week 2 of The Bachelorette, the overall feedback that I received was Team William and Team Ryan P. After last night, my guess is that we’re going to have a few people with a change of heart. We barely even saw Ryan, except for a few quick shots of him and his frosted tips.

Chris Harrison showed up at the mansion, armed with the first one on one date card. I love when we first get to see the guys dressed down. Suits are nice, but I like to see who dresses like a complete tool when just lounging around the house. Unfortunately, no one stood out as offensive to me. With no surprise, the first one on one date went to William. Moments later, Ashley shows up in a sweet ride to pick him up for their trip to Vegas. I have to say, Ashley is looking phenomenal. Although I hated that little white dress (Something I might have worn to my 8^th grade graduation), she rocked it.

Ames and I are clearly on the same page. We were both very concerned about Jeff’s mask. Isn’t he sweating? It’s so hot out! Why not a white mask? Or something thinner? Perhaps cotton? I wonder if he’ll get tan lines. Kudos to Ames for bringing up my concerns.

William and Ashley arrive in Vegas to photographs being taken of them left and right. Of course the first tourist we see taking a picture of them is Asian. Stereotypical, ABC. Nice work! They begin one of the weirdest dates in Bachelor/ette history – a fake wedding. C’mon ABC! Are you really out of great date ideas after 20 + seasons?

This was awkward and weird. It really helped showcase how timid William is. I don’t see him ever wearing the pants in this relationship. Don’t take that the wrong way… Not talking about literal pants here. William is super nervous about marrying Ashley. 3 days is way too soon! 6 weeks… Not so much. But 3 days, yes. Did anyone else notice the tears in his eyes when they were fake marrying? The kid was literally scared shitless.

Next up, they get into the rowboat for their dinner and William asks Ashley to row. Of course… I bet that was a real turn on. Then one of them mentioned that millions of tourists come to Vegas to see the Bellagio fountain lightshow. No. That is not true. Millions of tourists go to Vegas to get wasted and make bad decisions. Sometimes they stumble upon the fountain lightshow… That’s all.

Dinner is nice. William talks about how he brings communication to people rather than saving lives and Ashley pretends that she’s impressed by his career. They share Daddy Issues. Rose. The end.

The group date card arrives and my first observation is that besides Masked Jeff, a really solid group of four guys aren’t on this group date. My best guess is that she’s confident in Mickey, JP, Ryan and Ben C, so she is first going to weed out the losers.

The group date begins in Vegas and Ashley is dressed up as a pin-up girl. Immediately when I saw the Jabbawockeez dancing I thought, “How rude! A date with masks and Jeff wasn’t invited?!” I guess things could have gotten complicated. Would he have worn his mask? Theirs? Both? Maybe it’s better that he wasn’t invited.

I really don’t like this date. Ashley starts it off with a creepy little dance. Then the guys split into two teams. Bentley is being a bully. West, Stephen and Ben C. are stepping up their games. And Ames is rocking an intense shade of self tanner on his face. I honestly didn’t pay attention to anyone’s dance moves because I was too focused watching Ashley and her stomach. How do I get one of those?

That evening, even after West opens up to Ashley and wears his heart on his sleeve, Douchebag Bentley gets the rose. Maybe it was his nasty comment about tickling, or his blatant lack of interest in Ashley… Who knows. Either way, Ashley begged him to stick around. #pathetic

Ashley has JP and Mickey flip a coin for the final one on one date. I was really hoping that JP won… He may be my current favorite. Mickey wins and since the date is a few hours away in Vegas, he uses extra hair gel to make sure it holds up during the trip. These two decide to act like 5 year olds and flip a coin way too many times. I’m starting to get irritated. Mickey asks Ashley when she cried last… It’s been quite some time. Am I the only person that cries weekly? No worries! That will soon change because we all know that Bentley will make her cry on next week’s episode.

Ashley and Mickey have a nice date. I like Mickey, but I need a little more “umph” from him. I’m not seeing enough expression. I’d also like to steal his hair gel, but that’s more of a superficial problem. I didn’t expect the emotional story angle from Mickey, but we also learn that he’s an only child and his mom passed away 6 years ago. He gets a rose. I’m happy with this. Mickey seems like a decent guy. Much less douchetastic than I expected.

JP kicks off the rose ceremony by stealing Ashley, since he’s determined to get some alone time with her. Love his game with flipping the coin for a kiss! Although, that’s kind of Ashley and Mickey’s game. They may have trademarked it. Hopefully Mickey doesn’t find out.

William pulls the “stealing time when you already have a rose” move, which is always guaranteed to piss everyone off. He also continues to brag about their Bellagio date. William is losing seriously credibility in my book.

Bentley expresses that he would rather SWIM IN PEE that plan a wedding with Ashley. Ew. Ew. What is wrong with you? Who says things like that? Swim in pee? How about jump off a bridge? Or die? Swim in pee? Ew. I’m sure Ashley is cringing while she watches this episode back.

Not many surprises at the rose ceremony, except for Masked Jeff. Really?! He still hasn’t even shown you his face. This is getting weird.

So, two weeks down, who are your favorites? Do you want to jump through the television and punch Bentley? Leave some comments!

Bachelorette Premiere!

Yesterday felt like Christmas Eve. I’ve never hated Dancing with the Stars as much as I did last night. Pushing off The Bachelorette until 9pm – How dare they! Finally, 9pm rolled around and it was just like Christmas morning. As usual, we kicked off the new season looking back at Ashley’s journey on The Bachelor and the heartbreak she suffered after Brad Womack sent her packing. Then we were given the opportunity to take a look into Ashley’s daily routines in Philadelphia – running with hoop earrings on, teaching a suggestive dance class, long stares into the distant sunset – the usual. All the stuff I do on a daily basis!

My initial thoughts on Ashley – She looks good. She obviously hit the gym hardcore after finding out about the show. Not that she wasn’t in shape before, but c’mon, her body is now out of control. She has really taken to the crop-top trend, so we’ll be seeing a lot of her 6pack this season I assume. Also, ABC also gave her some new eyebrows… Those were not the brows she had last season.

My favorite part of Night 1 is the first look at Ashley’s suitors, mostly because I can compare my first impression on TV to the first impressions I made a few weeks ago when the photos were released online - http://jensrealityobsession.blogspot.com/2011/05/bachelorette-contestants.html. Many of my original opinions still stand – I liked Ryan P, Ben F, Ben C, William, etc. A few of them… I’ll eat my words.

A few thoughts on the introduction packages:

• Ryan P – Seems like a great catch and almost perfect… until you made that Taylor Swift style heart with your hands into the sun. I nearly lost my dinner.
• JP – I was pleasantly surprised! When I saw his bio on ABC.com, I thought he was going to be white rice, but he seems like a winner. Keeping my eye on him!
• Ames – I have some mixed feelings on him. He seems very well rounded… athletic, world traveler, successful, smart, but also seems a bit stuffy. I’m hoping he lets loose.
• Ben C – He seems like a huge cheeseball and in love with love. Hoping that doesn’t ruin everything for him because he was also funny.
• Bentley – He sucks. We all know this. I’m already sick of him. I also think he seems like a huge weirdo… He started a family fun center. Sounds a little bit like a pedophile, no? He also named his daughter Cozy. I hate him.
• William – Adorable… But he did have minor signs of man boobs, so we’ll have to keep an eye on that.

Chris Harrison and Ashley sit down for their one on one time and Ashley talks about all of the regret she has from not opening up to Brad on The Bachelor. She also never imagined she’d be back in the house. Right… I bet she was just as surprised to be the Bachelorette as America was to hear that – SOMEONE ISN’T HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS! Already!

Limo Time! Out of all of the 25 entrances, these stood out to me:

• Lucas – You seem like a serial killer.
• Mickey – Going in for the kiss… bold moves. Mickey is a huge let down. He was built up to be this GQ studmuffin before the season started and I have to say, disappointing.
• Stephen – Ashley loves his hair. I hate his hair.
• Anthony – I was pulling for the Jersey kid, but he couldn’t have been any more awkward and nervous. There is no hope for a rose.
• Ames – Nice move with the ballet tickets, but if Ashley doesn’t pick you, can she take someone else? He looks like he walked straight off Harvard’s campus and onto the Bachelorette.
• Jeff – I hate your mask.
• Ben F – Brings his wine and tells Ashley that he’s brushed his teeth eight times that day… I think I love Ben F.
• Ryan M – Seemed nice and normal until he started asking Ashley if she’d take a picture of him with Chris Harrison later on… get a grip.
• Bentley – Ashley hoped that Bentley wouldn’t be drop dead gorgeous and nice. Well, you’re in luck! He’s far from gorgeous and a giant asshole. I’ll bet you keep him around regardless…

The cocktail party isn’t very exciting. Other than Tim getting schwasted and passing out, nothing stood out. Yes, there were some cute moments – Ben C using cue cards, That guy whose name I can’t remember throwing the guitar in the pool – But no jaw droppers.

Tim is a total creeper. My favorite moment was when he told Ashley he sells wines and spirits and Ashley thought he sold won and spurs. Not only is Tim sleeping, but he’s using Ashley’s fur coat as a blanket! She sends him packing and says that she can identify with wasted opportunities. No pun intended! The guys are much nicer to him than I’d expect. I guess it’s one less person to compete with. But I must say, Tim getting sent home that fast was a wasted opportunity in my book. Why would no one think to play a good prank on him? Put his hand in warm water, honey and feathers, get out a Sharpie… C’mon! Weren’t any of these guys in a fraternity? Lame.

In my opinion, no one is a real standout for the 1st Impression Rose. A bunch of frontrunners but I don’t see one that stands out the most. It goes to Ryan P. and I’m okay with that.

Not too many shockers at the rose ceremony – We knew that Jeff in the Mask and Bentley would get roses. You can’t get rid of good television on Night 1. I was a little sad to see Anthony the Butcher go home… He was so nice in his exit interview!

Okay, so what’d you think? Who are your immediate favorites? Do you think she’ll keep Bentley around for way too long? Looking forward to a great season of blogging! Leave some comments!

The Bachelorette Contestants!

It’s finally May! And that means one thing – We’re so much closer to the premiere of The Bachelorette. Today, ABC announced the official cast and posted their photos, along with an entertaining Q & A from each contestant. Reality Steve has been releasing this information for a month, so I’ve been able to preview some of the gentlemen, but now we have their official headshots. Thank goodness!

For the full photos/Q&A - click here.

My assessments of the guys have nothing to do with how far they get this season or any spoilers that I’ve already seen. This is purely based on their photo and answers. Let’s break them down. Shall we?

My immediate takeaways:

Ames

A little weird looking, no?

He’s a banker from New York and works out with a trainer 6 days a week. He’s obviously loaded.

Anthony

I knew immediately that he was from New Jersey. Unfortunate.

Anthony is a butcher. I really hope he gets a hometown date.

Ben C.

Seems nice! He admits to having love handles. So do I. Unfortunately for him, Ashley doesn’t, so their romance might not work out.

Ben F.

Winemaker! Immediate favorite of mine. He must be cool.

Bentley

Facially, I like Bentley. What’s up with the shirt though? Maybe he farms?

Q: Describe your idea of the ultimate date? A: Visiting a new place with great views and a great temperature. *This sounds dirty.

Blake

He’s a dentist, so that was obviously set up.

When asked who he’d like to be for a day, Blake said Tiger Woods because he would like to be the best at something, and have unlimited funds for a day. Basically, Blake is a man slut.

Blake kind of reminds me of Kirk from Ali’s season.

Chris D.

Boring

Chris M.

What is the age limit for this show again? Chris M. looks like he’s 15.

He also thinks that he’ll be retired in 5 years, living on the beach. Yes, that’s likely.

Oh crap. I just read that Chris admires his mom the most because she had to raise two kids in a grain elevator with no money. Now I feel like a bad person.

Constantine

Constantine thought Brad was still going to be The Bachelor. He has a poodle, talks about his mom’s Thanksgiving dinner, and dressed up as Bruno for Halloween.

Frank

I think Frank and Constantine may end up finding love on this show – together. Frank has 2 Chihuahuas (Pierre and Sweet Georgia Brown!!) and from the looks of his unbuttoned shirt…. Oy.

Jeff

Likes wine and puppies. Big points.

Jon

From a first glance, he seems like a contender.

Then he continues to talk about how much he worships Arnold Schwarzenegger and considers himself blunt, loud, and opinionative. He’s going to be a huge douchebag.

JP

White rice. He won’t make it past Night 1.

Lucas

He’s way too buttoned up. He mentions spending time at his country club and talks about being a Conservative Republican. Hello, Jake Pavelka!

Matt

Besides getting his Bachelor of Science in Turf Grass Management, Matt seems decent.

Michael

The wildest thing that Michael’s ever done is gone streaking. Let me guess… It was up the quad and through the gymnasium?

Mickey

I wish his name wasn’t Mickey. He’s a Chef. He’s from New York. I don’t hate him!

Nick

Nick seems like a good ol’ boy from Florida. He loves his cowboy boots and was drafted into the MLB.

I have a feeling Nick is going to lack any substance to go along with those pearly whites.

Rob

Rob looks realllllly happy.

Ryan M.

Seems relatively normal.

Ryan P.

He built what is now one of the largest solar electricity companies in the U.S. – definitely loaded.

Stephen

I was just about to comment on how unfortunate Stephen’s haircut is. Then I noticed that he’s a hairdresser. Ironic!

Tim

Tim, you’re a liquor distributor. I suggest you start drinking heavily right now because when you see how awful your picture is… you will need that alcohol.

Tim also tried out for Elf on Broadway.

West

West seemed really boring and uninteresting until I read that he’d bring pizza, Mila Kunis, and a volleyball with him to a deserted island. Now I kind of respect him.

William

Not bad! I’m hoping because William claims he’d like to be doing stand-up comedy in five years that he’s at least funny.

Any Survivor fans out there? He looks like Marcus.

Okay, so what do you think? Who are your early favorites? Who looks like the biggest creeper? Leave me some feedback!

Brad chooses Emily!

Well it’s over… What a season! What a journey! I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible. The episode kicked off in Capetown with Brad overlooking the ocean, pondering life and rockin’ a pair of man-pris. His family arrives and he screams for them to hurry up! Come up here! Then he cries. Such a pansy. Someone call the therapist.

Chantal arrives and I have a feeling that Mrs. Womack is going to like her – they both wear leopard! Chantal explains to his family that she knew she loved Brad after a lot of wine and going back to his hotel room. But they only talked! She also says that she thinks being with Brad in a hotel room in Costa Rica with free wine and food and cameras is the real world. No. The real world is slaving over the stove with the kids screaming and the dog pooping on the floor while Brad slugs a beer and watches football. Try that for real world.

All in all, great family date for Chantal. I think she did a good job.

Emily shows up with flowers – automatic points. She also got her hair dyed for the date. Super yellow! Without fail, Brad’s family asks about Little Ricki’s dad – Hmm… I wonder if the producers staged that. Everytime Emily tells her story, it’s just as sad to hear.

Brad and his brothers talk and they warn him that having a child isn’t fun and it’s hard work. Man, after the episode, I’m re-thinking kids. Brad loves that she’s a lady. It makes him not want to be a pig.

Emily is not as cuddly around Brads mom but she made her cry. 10 points. Emily leaves and it’s time to see what the Womacks think! His family thinks Chantal and Brad would date. Emily and Brad would jump head first into a life. Family chooses Emily.

Time for the much previewed shark date. Why would you make Chantal do this again? Make Emily try this. Cleavage suit! The puns are beginning to drive me nuts. “Test out the water before getting married.” Cheese. Later that night, Chantal gives Brad a message in a bottle. I almost forgot about the kindergarten craft projects. Brad calls Chantal Channy and I’m reminded of Channy from Jake’s season who spoke about her landing strip… good times!

Time for Emily’s last chance date! Too bad that Emily forgot her pants. Brad tells Emily multiples times how much his family loved her. AKA more than Channy. Emily spends their time together trying to scare Brad about how tough kids are. Can’t scare Brad – He asks to be Little Ricki’s father. Um, this is basically a proposal. The night continues and Emily is telling him again how un-fun being a parent is. Are you trying to lose? This is the worst last date ever. Brad thinks that he was knocked down and defeated. How dramatic of him.

The next morning, Brad looks out over the ocean and thinks. Topless. Emily wakes up with her hair and makeup done. Chantal does too. And she wears a sports bra. I call BS. I do not look like that when I wake up.

Neil Lane shows up and kind of looks like Brad’s therapist. The ring screamed Emily.

Time to crush Chantal’s hopes and dreams. Both girls look stunning I think. I miss the days when I didn’t know who was going to win. I used to get so excited to see who got out of the limo first. Chantal had to know it was going downhill when Brad started talking. He wasn’t the same. Brad wipes tears from her lips. I’d slap his hand off. She’s heartbroken. This is sad. She laid it all out there. I really really liked Chantal.

Brad says that he has a heavy heart about Chantal. But he sure isn’t pulling a Jason Mesnick. Doesn’t seem SO heavy to me.

Brad proposes to Emily like we all expected. Cue the crying. And the hugging. And the Neil Lane product placement. The end! Now they can live happily ever after! Or so we thought.

AFTR!

Chantal looks fabulous! And I was really impressed that she gave him a piece of her mind. She was definitely right that he was discounting their relationship. Obviously Brad was scared of Emily backstage. I’m sure Chantal’s new boyfriend didn’t appreciate this little sob session either.

Brad tells us that he is engaged to Emily. But he can’t speak for her. An engagement is mutual. How can Brad say that he can't speak for Emily? Ridiculous! Emily looks great. Glad that someone fixed her hair.

We’re made to think that Brad and Emily having issues 6 weeks into their engagement is crazy. This isn’t that shocking! You haven’t dated in public! Not that crazy! They also seem surprised that watching the show back was brutal. No kidding.

Emily pokes the bear. TMI. She also feels like a dime a dozen watching the show. You were on the Bachelor with 24 other girls. You’re lucky to be a dime a dozen.

Time for Couples Intervention 101! Molly and Jason are my favorite of these three therapy couples. She looks better than ever! Ryan and Trista are cool, but I don’t even think there were tabloids 7 years ago, so the advice is kind of irrelevant.

Well, that ends another crazy and dramatic season of The Bachelor. Thank you to all of the loyal readers who check out my blog weekly. Looking forward to the next season!

Women Tell Nothing!

I never enjoy this episode. All we do is re-live the season, hear how crazy one contestant is, and how everyone wants closure. Womp womp…

One thing that stuck out to me this episode was Chantal’s sweat marks on Night 1. How did I not notice that sooner? Honestly, the best part of last night’s episode was the Bachelor Reunion footage. I’m officially amped for Bachelor Pad 2. That show is all drama. Basically, the reunion was a competition on who would be the craziest and let loose enough to get cast for BP2. It’s obvious that the people who had a lot of face time are going to be on the show. Vienna was hooking up with Wes, Kasey was hooking up with Erica… Now Vienna and Kasey are boyfriend and girlfriend. What a show!

Back to the women! Everyone looks fabulous and the fashion is really on point. I can’t say I love Ashley’s new look though. It’s a little over the top and too much for me. I think she went one whitening and spray tan shade too far.

The Rachel and Melissa drama is just as boring and annoying as it was a few weeks ago. They’re not even core members of the cast. Enough already! The Michelle saga is much more entertaining. Stacey the bartender thinks it’s a good idea to rip Michelle a new one. I may be Team Michelle. Yes, I said it. I kind of like her. She’s nutty and sarcastic… But she’s fun. And she might be a fabulous actress, but I felt bad for her.

I think people like Stacey and Jackie were just vying for some camera time and needed to run their mouths to get a word in. And whoever that blonde chick on the top left was. No one even knows you… Shh!

I still love Ashley S. She looks beautiful, awesome dress and just a cutie. I have to say that I’d enjoy her as the Bachelorette. She is genuine. Unfortunately, her BFF Ashley H. will take on that role instead. One good thing that came from Ashley H.’s makeover is that her eyebrows are fixed. Thank god.

Ashley H.’s interview was a complete prep session to announce her as the next Bachelorette. I mean c’mon – She loved Brad, didn’t use her time wisely and open up, but now is ready to date and find love! Puh-lease.

Wondering why we didn’t hear from Shawntel at all? She did give Brad a look of death when he walked on to the stage. No pun intended.

Brad was super happy during his time in the hot seat. I don’t think we’ve seen him this happy all season. And then we get to see some bloopers and who knew! Brad is fun! And he laughs!

Well, this episode was as exciting as watching paint dry. See you on Monday!

South Africa

It’s time for the fantasy suites! Who will accept? Who will give it up?

Brad flies commercial to South Africa, first class. I wonder if there were any Bachelor fans on the plane. I wonder what kind of snacks he had on the flight. Maybe Brad enjoys a Bloody Mary while flying like I do. All of the things we’ll never know…

As standard time filler, Brad recaps his time with each of the remaining ladies. In a nutshell, his relationship with Chantal is a rollercoaster ride, he’s not confident in Ashley’s feelings for him, and Emily is one in a million. But can Brad handle being a father? There you have it.

Chantal’s date is first. Both Brad and Chantal were told to dress like they were going to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Cool hat, Brad. The date was pretty awesome, but it drove me nuts that they kept stressing how dangerous it was. You’re with an entire camera crew for a television show. You’ll be okay.

Brad also talks about missing Chantal’s family. Really, Brad just misses Papa O’Brien, the bromance they shared and his hopes of becoming rich like them.

Time for the evening portion of the date and Chantal is pulling out all of the stops. First stop, her cleavage. Second stop, letting Brad know she is ready for marriage and that she takes engagements seriously. Yes, that’s why you’re on The Bachelor. That treehouse is absolutely incredible. I’ll bet $100 that Brad and Chantal seal the deal.

Emily looks adorable on her date. I wish I had her wardrobe. And her legs. Jealous. Brad is very excited to see her and acts like a huge dork. Luckily, Emily is just as excited because Brad is fulfilling her dreams – Riding an elephant! I prefer watching them poop at the circus, but that’s just me. Brad and Emily have a great conversation about the Little Ricki factor. He seems like he’s reading from a book on “How to Win Over a Single Mom,” but otherwise, good stuff.

At dinner, Brad tells Emily that he has so much to ask her. Yup, that makes sense considering you’ve known each other for 5 weeks. Back in the fantasy suite, Emily tells Brad she’s falling and he says it back. I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in all of my Bachelor watching years. He says that he can’t hear her say that without saying something back. Yet when the other girls have told him that, he is okay saying nothing. Hmm…

Ashley’s date is a bundle of awkwardness. First, she freaks out about being in a helicopter and screeches like a child. Then Brad gets his panties in a bundle that Ashley is career oriented. What?! A woman with a career? How dare you, Ashley.

Brad pisses me off on their date. He gives Ashley crap for not mentioning that she’d live in Austin and tells her that they need to compromise. Oh yeah, Brad? When did you mention living anywhere outside of Austin? Double standard. Props to Ashley for sticking up for herself and telling Brad that he’s only looking for a wife.

Brad’s hoping to get rid of the awkwardness and get to the bedroom. Well, unfortunately the awkwardness continues. They talk about mosquitoes. I wonder who’s getting no rose.

Time for the rose ceremony. Chris lets the girls know that all of this extravagance is for one thing – finding love. And getting famous. Brad pulls Ashley aside and her microphone pack makes her look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

She’s really hurt and surprised and Brad wonders what’s wrong. Hmm…

Brad says that he really hopes to find love this time and not go home alone for the second time. You sure better find love this time Brad. There’s no third chance in Bachelor world. It’s the Bachelor Pad from here on out.

Brad asks Emily and Chantal for a group hug.

Okay, who’s your pick to win? Will Brad go home alone? Are you sad about Ashley? Let me know what you thought of this week’s episode!